


First Christmas together

by reveetoile



Series: Creating a new family [5]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Children, Christmas, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-05 05:11:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 27,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16804279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reveetoile/pseuds/reveetoile
Summary: First Christmas Season for our lovely newly built family.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, it's nothing special. It's just 24 short stories/chapters (from 500 to 1000 words each) about how the Nagase-family are spending Christmas and the time before together. Kazu is adorable as always and I had fun. I hope you'll like it a bit ^^

Nagase made sure that both kids were still sleeping as he went to the living room to the big bookcases along the wall. He had spent the last few evenings lubing cardboards together so that he had now 48 small houses ready. On there were the numbers from one to 24 written, and they were painted in red and green.

He had filled all of the boxes with sweets or small games and books for the boys. It had been hard to hide everything from the curious eyes of Kazu, and he was happy that he managed it. He was sure that Satoshi would like it since he always seemed to enjoy those small surprises and of course the countdown to the big special day. 

He put Kazu’s boxes in a lower shelf for easy reach and then put down all of Satoshi’s houses a bit higher so that he would still reach them but they were out of Kazu’s reach. Not that he thought that Kazu would steal Satoshi’s treats but that way they wouldn’t get confused. 

After that, he dimmed the lights in the living room again and went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the three of them. While doing so, he also made sure to fill two lunch boxes with healthy dark bread topped with cheese, a few vegetables and half of an apple so that the boys would have enough for a second late breakfast or more likely lunch while outside.

Shortly after he finished, sounds were coming from Satoshi’s bedroom, and he looked at the clock at the wall. It was time to wake up Kazu as well so that they had enough time to eat, open the first two houses and send Satoshi off to school. So he put the boxes in their bags and went to look after Kazu.

The moment Nagase was about to knock at Kazu’s door and open it, it opened on its own and Kazu ran outside without looking. That was why Kazu ran into Nagase’s lower body with a small surprised cry. 

Nagase picked the small boy up with a chuckle and tousled his hair. 

“Good morning, little one,” he greeted softly. He was happy that Kazu now came out of his room on his own and didn’t wait until someone came to pick him up. It was a step in the right direction after all. 

“I slept well!”, Kazu explained happily. 

“That’s good. Satoshi is in the bathroom. How about you join him and get ready? Do you want chocolate milk or tea for breakfast?”

“I want the tea that is like apples.”

“Of course. Off you go then, while I prepare your tea.” Nagase put Kazu down again and watched after him as he ran off to join Satoshi in the bathroom and ask for his help to get ready for daycare.

—

“Dad? Today is the first of December,” Satoshi said almost shyly as they sat at breakfast and he had finished his bread. 

Kazu was still munching on his muesli and blinked in confusion. Usually, Satoshi didn’t mention which day it was. 

“I know,” Nagase answered calmly and helped Kazu with the last mouthfuls that didn’t want to get on his spoon somehow.

“Why is that important?” Kazu intervened before opening his mouth for the last bite of his bowl, grinning happily when Nagase fed him. 

“Don’t you now? From today up until Christmas we get small presents or sweets.”

“EH?! Why? I want sweets!”

Nagase chuckled at the excited by that was jumping up and down in his seat right now. 

“To make the time until Christmas go faster. Do you know what Christmas is and why we celebrate it?”

Kazu thought about it for a bit, but then he shook his head. He couldn’t remember ever celebrating it at home. “No.”

“You never celebrated Christmas?” Satoshi asked shocked and with wide eyes. “What about Santa Claus and the child of Christ?” he asked not realising that he was making Kazu uncomfortable. 

Kazu moved around on his seat and nibbled on his lower lip. “No? Angels are in heaven, right? My mummy is an angel the teacher in daycare said so.”

“Yes, that’s true in a way. I will explain all the things about Christmas in the next few days. We have the story somewhere, and it is perfect for the evenings while cuddling in ed. We have 24 days until Christmas Eve after all, so it’s enough time for you to learn. Don’t worry ne?”

“Okay, if you say so…” Kazu agreed in a soft voice and chanced a small smile.

“I do. But for now, I’ll show you the Christmas Calendars.” Nagase lifted Kazu up to carry him over to the living room with Satoshi hot on his heels. The older boy was too excited about it all.

Nagase showed them the small cardboard houses and crouched down so that Kazu had a better view of his 24 houses. 

“The 24 houses on the higher shelf are for Satoshi, and the ones down here are for you. Starting from today, you are both allowed to open one house each day and inside are small surprises that you can keep.”

“Only one?”

“Yes, I put something in each house and won’t refill them. So if you open all today you may, but then you’ll have nothing from tomorrow on to look forward too.

“Oh, okay. Then Kazu will only open one house each day,” he agreed and looked at Satoshi curiously.

“I’ll do the same and won’t touch yours,” Satoshi promised and started looking for the first one.

“They have numbers printed on. So look for number one. You know how one looks like, right?”

“Yup! Kazu already learnt all the numbers!” Kazu jumped off Nagase’s arms and looked for the right house before showing it off to Nagase. When the man nodded, he opened it with a little difficulty to peer inside. His eyes lighted up when he saw the small bag of gummy bears inside. He took it out happily. 

“May I open them?”

“Yes, of course. They are for you after all. Shall I help you? It’s a bit tricky to open ne?”

“Yes, please.” Kazu offered the package to Nagase who opened it and gave it back to the small boy. 

Kazu nestled for one of the small bears to give it to Nagase and then the second one for Satoshi before putting the third one into his mouth with a happy grin.

“Thank you, Kazu. But they are yours, you don’t have to share,” Nagase said softly.

Kazu shrugged and put another one in his mouth. “Sharing is fun, though. Kazu likes to share with Tomo and Toshi. Because Tomo and Toshi share with Kazu as well,” he explained and smiled when Satoshi gave him one of his sour worms to eat.

“That’s true. Okay, now I think it’s time to go, or we’ll be late for your play dates.”

“Yes!” both shouted and ran to the door to wait for Nagase to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a slow Sunday since it had been raining all day until now. Neither Kazu nor Satoshi had wanted to go outside since it had gotten cold. And coldness plus rain was nothing the children liked. But being inside for all day meant that it got boring fast. 

Nagase was against watching too much TV at such a young age so they were only allowed one or two movies during the whole day - which was still quite a lot for an overactive Kazu to stay still for. The rest of the day was spent with reading books while cuddling on the sofa, playing table-top games with all of them and watching the big hand of the clock running in slow circles until evening was finally reached. It was strange. Usually, even slow Sundays weren’t as dull as today was. 

As they didn’t do much today, Kazu hadn’t had an afternoon nap. They had tried, but Kazu had only laid awake in his bed being bored and getting mad at having to stay in his room. So, they stopped trying to get him to sleep, and Nagase had allowed him to stay up, knowing fully well that he would regret it in the evening. 

“Kazu do you want to help me prepare dinner?” he asked the small boy that was moving around while whining on the sofa. Kazu was unhappy and cranky because Satoshi had gone to finish his homework for tomorrow instead of continuing to play with him. 

“Don’t wanna!”

“What do you want to do then? Because sitting here is definitely not what you want to do if I interpret your whining right.”

“Nothing! Play… I wanna play with Toshi.”

“Satoshi is doing his homework right now. So he can’t play with you. And you hit him earlier because he won at the one game you played earlier. Therefore I don’t know if he would like to start a new game with you right now.”

“Satoshi hates me!” Kazu cried out and pressed his face into the cushions in a loud wail. He moved his arms and legs at the beginning of a dramatic tantrum. 

Nagase rolled his eyes at his antics and picked Kazu up to throw him over his shoulder. That silenced the boy almost instantly because of shock and surprise. 

“Satoshi doesn’t hate you, little one. But you didn’t apologise properly either. So, dry your tears and help me in the kitchen. We’ll make potato soup to warm you up.”

“Okay,” Kazu mumbled unhappily. He moved his legs again until Nagase moved him from his shoulder to hold him more comfortably.

“Careful or you will fall down and hurt yourself.”

“Sorry… Is Tomo mad at Kazu?” he asked finally in a small voice.

“No, I’m not. I will love Kazu whatever he does even if I don’t like some things you might do. But that doesn’t mean I would hate you or be really mad at you.”

“Why?”

“Because, little one, you are my second son now. And I would never hate you just because you sometimes do things I don’t like that much.”

“I don’t really understand…”

“You don’t have to. You just have to believe me. I know it’s still a bit complicated and confusing for you,” he said softly and kissed his temple. Kazu still had trust issues and didn’t really understand how families worked, Nagase knew that and tried to make him feel secure however he could while explaining some things that scared Kazu. Misunderstandings and arguments were usual in families and often didn’t mean anything wrong. Kazu had to learn that.

“Okay… Will you make a salad?”

“I can if you want.”

“Yes, please. I’m good at tear the salad leaves.”

“Then that will be your duty. Do you want sausage in the soup?”

“Yup!” Kazu nodded in excitement and sat on his chair to wait for the salad. 

Nagase gave him the salad head as well as a bowl filled with water and looked at Kazu for a moment as he went to work occupied entirely with his job for now. 

Nagase was glad that Kazu worked silently for now and concentrated on preparing the soup for their dinner. When all the potatoes were peeled, cut and put into the water to cook he sat on the table to watch Kazu concentrating on his work. Of course, he would have finished the salad already if he did it alone but Kazu liked to be of use, so he didn’t say anything but let the boy be. 

Satoshi came a bit later and ruffled Kazu's hair as he sat down beside him. “What are you doing?”

“Helping with dinner. Does Satoshi hate Kazu because Kazu behaved badly?”

“No, I don’t hate you. But you shouldn’t hit me just because you are mad,” Satoshi explained softly and smiled at the insecure boy. 

“I won’t do it again, promise. I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay now,” Satoshi said and ruffled his hair before helping Kazu with the rest of the leaves until he was all finished. “Dad? Can we light the first candle on the Advent wreath?”

“Already? Don’t you want to wait until after we had dinner?”

Satoshi shook his head and looked at Nagase with begging eyes. “I want to show Kazu and tell him what it’s about.”

“Okay. I will get it, and you can clear the table in the living room, okay?”

“Yes! Come, Kazu, you help too,” Satoshi laughed happily and helped the boy down from his chair to lead him to the living room and put away their toys.

When the table was empty they sat down on the sofa and Nagase put the Advent wreath down on the table. It was put on a fire-proof plate so that the table wouldn’t be destroyed. 

Kazu looked at it with bright eyes. It had big golden candles on it and was decorated with small baubles, fir cones and cinnamon sticks. Kazu liked the little Santa and reindeer on it the most, and before Nagase had a chance to lit one candle he knelt in front of the table to turn it around so that the Santa was right in front of them. Then he climbed back beside Satoshi.

“Is it okay now?” Nagase asked the boy who nodded. “Because once I lit a candle, I don't want you to move it.”

“I won’t touch it,” Kazu agreed and smiled when Nagase lit the first candle.

A frown appeared on his face when Nagase stopped after one candle. Kazu looked at Satoshi in confusion. 

“Why only one?”

“We will lit another one each Sunday,” Satoshi explained and ruffled his hair. “It’s to prepare for Christmas you know?”

“No. I don’t understand.”

“We have four more weeks before Christmas Eve. That’s why we have four candles there. And each candle has a meaning.”

“Which meaning?”

“The first one is the candle of divination,” he explained softly as he hugged Kazu close to him. Nagase went and brought the boys cups of fruit tea, before settling down on the comfortable chair.

“What does that mean?”

“It tells us about Jesus. That he is to come. The second one stands for peace, then joy and the last one is love,” he said. 

“Really?”

“At least that’s the way I learnt it,” Satoshi said a bit embarrassed. 

“There are different interpretations,” Nagase said softly. “But it’s what Satoshi learnt in school and church. Sometimes it’s said that the four candles symbolise peace, faith, love and hope. It is quite similar to Satoshi’s explanation.”

Kazu nodded and smiled as he sipped from his cup. It had the perfect temperature for him, so he had to smile happily.

He watched the flame of the one candle and had to think about how beautiful it would look if all the candles were burning. 

“I like it,” he decided and kissed Satoshi’s cheek softly. “Thank you for explaining.”

“You are welcome.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Since Christmas is approaching fast now, I thought that we should write our lists for Santa,” Nagase explained after their afternoon snack. 

“Why?” Kazu asked and put the last slice of cucumber into his mouth. “And I can’t write. So I can’t do it,” he murmured sadly as he realised that he really couldn’t write any lists. He barely managed his own name after all. 

“We write the list so that Santa knows what we want for Christmas. We will write a letter also and then send it to the North pole,” Satoshi explained excitedly and clapped his hands. 

Nagase looked at him in obvious amusement. Satoshi clearly didn’t believe in Santa anymore at ten years old. But somehow the boy had decided to make it all special for Kazu and playing entirely along with all the secrets and magic that surrounded Christmas for small children. It was adorable, he thought. 

“Don’t worry, little one, I can help you with writing it if you want. And I bought a toy magazine. Whatever you want we can cut out and put in the letter as well.”

“Will Santa understand that and not be mad at Kazu for not being able to write yet?” he asked worriedly. 

“Of course. Don’t worry he will be happy to get a letter from you.”

“Then okay, I want to try,” Kazu agreed and left his chair to follow Satoshi to the living room. They knelt in front of the small table at the sofa and waited for Nagase. 

Nagase brought them thick paper to write on as well as pens and the promised magazine for Kazu to chose from what he wanted. “You can also draw what you want,” he added as an afterthought. “And if there is anything you need help you just need to ask.”

“Okay!”

“And be careful when you cut the paper,” Satoshi said to which Kazu giggled. He already learnt in daycare how to use scissors, but he had to be slow and careful handling them, so he nodded in agreement. He would be extra careful, he decided.

Satoshi took the colouring pens Nagase had brought and bowed over his paper to draw small Christmas decorations as a frame. He smiled happily while concentrating on his doodles. 

Kazu sat on the floor to look through the magazine Nagase has brought deep in thought to find something that he might ask Santa for. He had never been allowed to get anything for himself and here he had everything he could think of and even more. 

Nagase watched them for a moment before ruffling their hair and left them alone to do all the house chores while the boys were busy. 

“Toshi?”

“Mhm?”

“May I ask for toys for doggie as well?” Kazu asked hopefully and tilted his head. “Or for Mister Bear?”

“Huh? Ah, they have a special of the build-a-bear shop,” Satoshi realised as he looked at the pages Kazu had open.

“Yes, may I?” he repeated patiently.

“Of course. Whatever you’d like. Don’t worry.”

Kazu smiled happily and chose a few of the things for the shop to carefully cut out and put on the table.

He found a few other things that looked nice or that he knew from daycare and put it down as well. Then he looked at Satoshi who was writing down on his piece of paper now. 

Kazu saw that Satoshi had drawn on his paper and took a few pens himself to do the same. He grinned happily while drawing pictures of Santa and Satoshi and Nagase and himself on the paper.

“Satoshi? Would you write something down for me?”

“Yes, do you want me to write it on your letter or should I write it on another paper and you can copy it?” he asked.

“I want to copy,” Kazu decided after a few seconds. Satoshi nodded and got up to get some regular paper to write down what Kazu dictated him. Kazu watched him carefully and then took a pencil to copy letter for letter down on his paper for Santa. He frowned when he realised that he needed the whole document for the few words. 

“Toshi, I don’t have any more space.”

“You can take another one.” Satoshi grabbed a second thick paper for the letter and put it down in front of Kazu. 

“Thank you!” Kazu grinned happily and then began to stick the pictures he wanted to ask Santa for on the paper. 

Satoshi had finished before him and watched Kazu with an amused smile. 

“Will Santa get us all?” 

“No, probably not but a few of those for sure.”

“Santa is a nice man ne?”

“Yep, very nice. But only to good children. If you are bad, you get coals.”

Kazu frowned and looked at him. “But am I a good boy?”

“You are a very good boy,” Nagase said who had listened to the last question and sat down beside them. “Are you finished?”

“Yes. Can we send it?”

“Yup, we will put it in envelopes, and I write the address down. Then we can bring it to the letterbox together.”

“You know where Santa lives?” Kazu asked with big eyes. 

Nagase laughed but shook his head. “No, but the postman know. It’s a big secret. We just need to write down: To Santa, North pole and it will arrive at its destination.”

“Good can you do it now?”

Nagase laughed at the excited boy but nodded. He took two envelopes to put the letters inside and wrote the address down. 

Kazu watched him silently before jumping up and running to the door to wear his coat and shoes. “Let’s go! Let’s go!”

“We are coming,” Nagase replied amused and followed him to put a warm hat on Kazu’s head and close his coat before wearing his own Jacket and shoes as well as Satoshi. He helped Kazu with his gloves and then gave him the letter. “Don’t lose it, okay? You can put it in yourself.”

Kazu nodded and took Satoshi’s hand in his own as they went to bring the letter to the post. He hoped that he would get a few of his wishes.


	4. Chapter 4

Nagase knocked on Kazu’s door early in the morning and opened it slowly. He was surprised that Kazu hadn’t come outside yet. Usually, he was a morning person in contrast to Satoshi.

“Wakey wakey, little one,” he whispered and knelt in front of the bed to caress his hair lovingly. He frowned when he realised how warm Kazu’s forehead was. 

Kazu looked up sleepily and rubbed his eyes. “Is it morning?” he asked with a frown. 

Nagase smiled when he realised how croaky is voice sounded. “Yep. I wanted to wake you to get ready for daycare. But it seems that you have a cold.”

“Me is still sleepy,” Kazu agreed, closing his eyes as to go back to sleep. 

“Don’t you want to wash first?” Nagase asked when he realised that the boy was all sweaty. He sighed and kissed his forehead. “But sleep sounds good. Sleep a little more, and I get to you later,” he decided. He should help Satoshi get ready for school and call into work to tell them that he would have to stay at home today. He put the blanket back over the small body and laid his dog beside him before getting up and preparing breakfast for Satoshi and rice porridge for Kazu for later. 

“Dad, is Kazu still sleeping?” Satoshi asked in surprise as he stepped into the kitchen and realised that only his and Nagase’s spot was ready to eat together. 

“Yes, he caught a cold and had a fever. So he will stay home for today,” Nagase explained with a small frown on his face. 

“Is it bad?” Satoshi looked worriedly at Nagase who smiled and shook his head. 

“No, I don’t think so. Much sleep and a few days at home will make him better.”

Satoshi relaxed only a little but sat down to eat his breakfast. “Will you stay here?”

“Of course. I won’t let him stay home alone. So don’t worry. I will look after him, and he will be healthy again in no time.”

A frown decorated Satoshi’s face as he nodded and concentrated on his breakfast. He was worried about his little brother, but he knew that he couldn’t do anything to help. When he finished breakfast, he got ready for school and waved goodbye to Nagase. He hoped Kazu would be up in the afternoon.

—

After an hour Nagase stepped into Kazu’s room again, waking him up in the process. A soft whine escaped Kazu’s throat, but now he actually sat up, lifting up his arms to get picked up.

Nagase took the boy in his arms and caressed his head. “We will get you changed into clean clothes,” he mumbled and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and shirts from his cupboard.

Kazu agreed weakly but mostly hugged him tightly around his neck as he was being carried to the bathroom and washed with a cloth. 

Nagase checked his temperature to make sure that it wasn’t too high and then put the new clothes on the boy. He smiled when the eyes almost closed again and picked him up once more. 

“You can sleep on the big sofa, okay?”

“Uhn,” the boy mumbled and let himself being carried through the flat and put on the sofa. 

“Hungry?”

“Uhu,” Kazu shook his head as he moved around on the sofa and fell asleep soon after. 

Nagase rolled his eyes and left him alone to clean up. Sleep would do Kazu good he decided. 

—

It was almost midday when Kazu woke again. Now a bit more chipper than the other two times and a lot more hungry and thirsty.

“Good morning, little one,” Nagase greeted him when he saw that the eyes were open and he looked around. He rechecked his temperature, glad when he saw that it had gone down and helped Kazu sitting up. 

“I’ll bring you food an drink,” he promised. 

Kazu nodded thankfully and pulled the blanket tighter around himself. He ate the porridge and drank his tea without complaints and leant back again. 

“Sleepy?” Nagase asked. 

Kazu thought for a second before shaking his head. He wasn’t sleepy anymore. 

“That’s good. Don’t you want to talk?”

“Kazu’s voice is not normal,” the boy croaked.

Nagase laughed and nodded. “It’s because of your cold. It will go back to normal soon, don’t worry. Mhm… How about we put on some music, and then you can help me do handicrafts?”

“Do handicrafts?”

“Yes, we collected the pine cones, remember? I thought we could make them into Christmas gnomes. And those we can put on the window sill and make a small Christmas garden. Sounds good?”

“Yes!” Kazu almost yelled, coughing when his throat hurt because of that. 

Nagase laughed before ruffling his hair getting up to get some cough drops from his medicine cabinet and the pine cones.

Kazu put the candy in his mouth frowning at the icy cherry taste but then deciding that it was quite lovely, so he continued to suck on it and look at the things Nagase put on the low table that he moved closer to the sofa Kazu was on. 

“Here are a few pictures if you want to see what I thought we could do. I think I brought all kind of stuff we can use to decorate them,” Nagase explained. 

Kazu looked at the pictures before nodding and taking three pine cones of different height. “I want to make a family!” he decided happily. 

Nagase laughed and ruffled his hair before sitting down on the floor across of Kazu and doing a figure himself. They worked in silence for a while until Kazu got sleepy once more and took a nap. 

Nagase used that time to prepare their dinner. He wasn’t surprised when the door opened, and Satoshi came home clearly directly after finishing school.

“Hello, Satoshi.”

“Hello, how’s Kazu?”

“Better, the fever went down, and we spent the day together. How about you do your homework while Kazu sleeps, and later you continue to make pine cone men with him? We want to make a Christmas village for the window sill.”

“Okay!” Satoshi grinned happily at those words and sat on the kitchen table to do his homework until Kazu woke up. Nagase brought over some more tea for them to share.

“Toshi, play with me?” Kazu asked hopefully when he discovered the boy behind Nagase. 

“Yup. What do you want to do?” he asked, giggling when Kazu excitedly explained to him what he was doing earlier and asked for his help. He knelt down beside his brother, and they continued to make small gnomes and animals until all materials were used up and it was time for dinner and bed soon after.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day Kazu was still not completely ready to head back for daycare, not that Nagase had thought he would be. 

After Satoshi left for school, he woke Kazu up and smiled when the boy looked up sleepily. 

“Do you remember Mrs Schmidt?” he asked the boy.

“Yes! She told me I could call her momma or auntie,” Kazu replied happily. He liked the old lady from the flat one floor down of theirs. She always smiled at him and told him how polite he was. And she sometimes baked cakes for them. Also, he was allowed to play with her dog. She was really really lovely, Kazu thought with a smile.

“I see you remember her,” Nagase teased the small boy and tickled him softly.

Kazu giggled and nodded. “What about her?”

“I asked her to look after you. Sadly, I have to go to work today, and since you are still slightly ill, I thought it best if you would stay home for the rest of the week. Mrs Schmidt told me that she will look after you.”

“Will Lulu be there as well?”

“I’m sure he will. You have to decide if you want her to come here or if I should bring you down,” Nagase continued to explain. 

Kazu frowned a bit at the question and nibbled on his lower lip. He didn’t know what would be better. “Here?” he decided in the end. 

“Of course. Let’s get you ready and move to the sofa. You will have to be alone for a moment so that I can help her move everything she might need up.”

“Okay. Thank you, Tomo.”

“Of course.” Just like yesterday, Nagase helped Kazu to wash down with a cloth and put him on the sofa with a big blanket on top and a bit of porridge and tea to his disposal before leaving the apartment and help the old woman from one floor down move everything she wanted to take with her upstairs.

“Are you sure this is fine with you?” he asked her when she put down everything in the kitchen. 

She laughed and waved her hand amused. “Totally. I have everything I need, and if I realise something is missing, I can get it. I’m not that old yet.”

“Uh… Sorry I didn’t want to imply,” he mumbled a bit embarrassed. 

Again she laughed and shook her head. “We’ll be fine, ne Kazu?” she asked the boy who nodded eagerly.

Kazu was clearly looking forward to spending time with his favourite neighbour.

Nagase laughed and ruffled his hair. “Okay. I’ll get going. Be good and listen to Mrs Schmidt,” he told him. 

“Kazu will behave,” he promised and tried to get the small dog to climb on the sofa.

Nagase rolled his eyes as he was apparently ignored and thanked the woman again before leaving.

—

Kazu spent most of the morning playing with Lulu while Mrs Schmidt busied herself in the kitchen. 

From time to time she checked up on Kazu if he needed something but just as he had promised he was a good boy who didn’t need much. Only after his nap, he got a bit restless and bored - mostly because Lulu had gotten tired of playing and was lying in a corner to sleep. 

Kazu wanted to continue playing with him, but Mrs Schmidt already told him that the dog wasn’t a toy and needed to rest. So he left him alone for now.

Kazu heard Mrs Schmidt still in the kitchen and got curious about what she was doing there. So he climbed from the sofa and put on his house shoes before entering the kitchen. 

“Auntie, I’m bored,” he explained with a sad frown and climbed on the table. 

“Do you want some juice?” she asked first. 

“Yes, please.”

She put the juice in front of him, and he drank it slowly as he was watching him. 

“What are you doing?”

“I’m cooking au gratin potatoes for you to eat tonight.”

“May I help?” 

“Sadly not since it’s all ready already. But I wanted to make some Stutenkerl,” she explained as she saw his sad frown. 

“Why? We can buy them at the bakery.”

“That’s true. But tomorrow is Saint Nicholas. And for that, I bake them yearly for a charity event.”

“Oh…”

“Yes. I already prepared the dough. It had to grow. Now it’s ready, though. So how about you make three pastries for you, Mr Nagase and Satoshi?”

“Sounds good,” he replied with sparkling eyes. She laughed and brought out two big bowls filled with dough. She handed him a part of it and grinned. 

“That's enough for three, I promise. But first you need to wash your hands, then you make it three parts and have to knead it again.”

“Okay!” he climbed off the chair to go to the bathroom and wash his hands. Back at the table again he began to work on his dough. When he had formed the three men, Mrs Schmidt moved them to a baking tray, and he was allowed to put an egg wash on top before it was put into the oven to bake. 

“Here. You can decorate those labels. I will put each one of the pastries in a bags, and we’ll put the tags on it so that everybody knows that it’s for them.”

Kazu nodded happily and spent the rest of the afternoon to draw on each tag for all of the pastries she baked.


	6. Chapter 6

Satoshi woke up early in the morning and almost jumped out of bed and to Kazu’s room. He felt slightly sorry for waking his ill brother, but he wanted to check their boots together and not without him. 

He crept into the room and shook Kazu slightly at his shoulders. “Kazu, wakey wakey,” he whispered, smiling when with a groan Kazu opened his eyes. 

“Toshi,” he mumbled sleepily and looked at Satoshi a but grumpily. He wanted to sleep! 

Satoshi smiled and tickled the younger boy in his bed until he giggled and sat up. 

“Today is Saint Nicholas Day. That means that the boots we put outside yesterday evening should be filled with sweets and perhaps a small present for us,” he explained. 

Kazu’s eyes widened at those reminder, and he rubbed his eyes before climbing out of bed. “He was there?” he asked excitedly.

“I think so. We were good after all. And he visits all good boys and girls and brings them treats.”

“Uhn… Tomo said he has the names of all children in a big golden book,” Kazu whispered in awe at that image. He slipped into his house shoes and took Satoshi’s waiting hand.

Satoshi led him outside of the room through the entryway and opened their front door to peek onto the floor. It was still dark outside, but that was to be expected since it was still very early. The first people who left for work were already on their way, and the school children would be out later. 

“Look, Toshi!” Kazu cried out happily and tugged at his hand to point at the shoes in front of them. They were filled with a chocolate Santa and a few chocolate balls as well as a small bag filled with nuts and fruits. 

Kazu let go of Satoshi’s hand to grab the boot he had been allowed to put outside by Nagase and brought it into the entryway. 

Satoshi chuckled because Kazu was so cute with his bright eyes and brought in the rest of the things outside in. Then he helped Kazu to pick up their present from the shoes and bring their presents inside to sit on the sofa. 

“I want to eat an orange,” Kazu mumbled and held it out for Satoshi to help him peel it. Satoshi smiled amusedly but did as he was asked and peeled the orange for his smaller brother. They sat on the sofa for a while alone until Nagase came out of his room. 

“Good morning, you rascals. Got anything?” he asked amused to be greeted by the munching children.

“Yup, lots of things, look, look, Tomo. That means Kazu was a good boy right?”

“Oh wow. You have been a very good boy to get this amount,” Nagase agreed and lifted the happy boy up to hug him tightly. 

“How are you feeling?”

“A bit cold,” Kazu mumbled only now realising that and hugged Nagase tighter. 

The man sighed and felt his forehead. It was a little bit warm but not too bad, he thought relieved. He smiled at Satoshi who looked up worriedly and mouthed an _‘it’s okay’_. “Come on, let’s have your pastry men for breakfast and then Mrs Schmidt will again look after you while I’m at work. Sounds good?”

“Yes! Thank you, Tomo.” Nagase smiled and kissed his forehead after holding still for the boy to kiss his cheek in thanks. 

Nagase ruffled Satoshi’s hair as the older boy followed them to the kitchen and smiled at him to show him that he really wasn’t mad at him. He could understand their excitement and it wasn’t Satoshi’s duty to make sure that Kazu was warm or something like that.

Satoshi grinned happily at that and sat on his chair to wait for his breakfast. His eyes wandered to the clock with a small frown as he realised that he had to get ready for school soon. He was curious if he would see the man dressed up as Saint Nicholas with his big walking staff in school today again. When he was younger he had always looked up to the windows in excited nervousness for the staff to appear and knock there. 

It had been a bit scary that the man had known the naughty things he did and thought nobody had seen him doing it and it had taken a bit of time for him to understand that his parents had known these small things but never mentioned when he had tried to hide them with a bad consciousness. He shook his head and looked at his small brother. It was kind of sad that Kazu wouldn’t be in daycare today since he was sure that they would be visited as well and it would have been wonderful and exciting for him. But Satoshi also knew that even when the cold wasn’t that bad it was the best for Kazu to stay at home with someone he loved and trusted than to be at daycare and to run around all day.


	7. Chapter 7

“Auntie?” Kazu cried out and hugged the old woman close when she entered the apartment today. He would miss her when she wouldn’t come over each day anymore, and he would have to go back to daycare. Nagase had already explained to him that since his slight cold was already gone, he would be able to get back to daycare on Monday. And even if he looked forward to that, he was going to miss the time with the old woman alone. 

“Good morning, Kazu. How are you? Did you sleep well?” she asked as she ruffled his hair softly. “Did you already eat breakfast?”

Kazu shook his head at the question and shrugged for the first one. He slept okay, he supposed, but he had slept longer than normal today and as Nagase hadn’t woken him up there hadn’t been enough time for him to prepare breakfast and eat it.

“Then I’ll make you some. Is porridge okay?” she asked.

“Yup. With cinnamon and sugar?” he asked.

She rolled her eyes good naturally but nodded nonetheless. “Whatever the small patient needs to get healthy again, I suppose.” 

Kazu grinned happily and waved goodbye to Nagase who was trying to get his attention. Nagase chuckled and knelt down as the woman left them alone to prepare Kazu’s breakfast. “Be a good boy, okay?”

“Yup, I promise. Come back soon?” he asked hopefully. Nagase smiled and kissed his head. 

“I promise.”

Nagase left, and Kazu went back to the kitchen to climb on his seat. He liked being lifted into it by Nagase, but he knew that Mrs Schmidt was too old to carry him around. He watched the woman working silently and thanked her softly for his food when it was ready.

“What’s on your mind, Kazu?” she asked softly, and he shrugged. 

“I dreamt of my mommy,” he mumbled after a few spoonfuls of porridge. 

“Poor baby,” she mumbled under her breath and smiled at him. He felt slightly bad because of those words, but he didn’t know what to say. He missed his mother very much after all.

“Do you think she still thinks of me?” he asked her.

“Of course. She is looking after you for sure,” she explained. 

Kazu tilted his head in confusion. That’s the same Satoshi sometimes told him, and he just didn’t understand. He looked around again, but there was nobody who was looking at him but Mrs Schmidt.

“I don’t understand. Toshi says his mommy is looking after him as well and always there with him. But I never met her. So… Where is she? Is she a ghost?” he asked a bit scared. He didn’t want to have a ghost mommy. Ghosts were scary after all.

Mrs Schmidt laughed softly but shook her head. “No ghosts. Don’t worry. Do you know of God?” she asked then.

“No… Is he like Santa?”

“In a way. I think you should ask your father or your brother, mh? I’m sure they will explain it all to you.”

“Do you think so?”

“I’m sure of it. Tell me. Is there anything we can do for you to feel better about his mother?” she asked softly.

Kazu looked into his now empty bowl, thinking hard about this question.

“You know what mommy did when it got cold?” he asked finally with a shy smile. 

“No, what did you do?”

“We would cuddle on the big sofa, and she would make a special hot chocolate with spices inside and whipped cream and marshmallows,” he explained with sparkling eyes. Those days were always extraordinary. His father had been out long all days, so it was only him and his mommy. And during the day they didn’t need to be scared about him getting mad because of that. His mother always hid the things somewhere, and it was nice. Especially if it were raining outside or snowing, they would hide under blankets and drink the hot chocolate.

“Mhm… I don’t know her recipe. But I made special chocolate for my children when they were small, and it was cold outside. How about we try to recreate it and then you can drink it with your family later when they are home again?”

“Sounds good”, he agreed happily and smiled as he looked at her hopefully. It would be nice to be able to drink the hot chocolate like when he was still with his mother.


	8. Chapter 8

Nagase didn’t really want to go shopping today but it was only two weeks until Christmas, and it would only get fuller and fuller in the shopping malls. So today would probably be the best day to take the kids out shopping for presents and a few new winter clothes. He just hoped that Kazu was fit enough for today.

“Today we’ll be going out,” Nagase announced at breakfast, therefore. The boys looked up in confusion and Kazu pouted almost immediately. 

“I want to stay here. With Auntie and Lulu,” he announced loudly. 

Nagase rolled his eyes but then smiled at the small boy. He could understand him after all. These last few days here had been very comfortable for the boy. “Mrs Schmidt doesn’t have time today,” he explained softly. “We can arrange a few play dates in future with you and Lulu at Mrs Schmidts, okay?”

“Really?” Kazu asked hopefully with bright eyes. 

“Yes, really. But today we will go out. You need a new winter coat since ours is getting a little bit too small. You are growing so fast,” he said thoughtfully. “And Satoshi needs new shoes for his training.”

“Okay. Can I chose my coat?”

“You may choose your coat, yes. And we will be Santa’s little helpers today as well,” Nagase explained after a moment. 

Kazu tilted his head to the side and blinked. “How so?”

“Each year Santa sends letters to us parents. And there are things written that he needs to be able to have all presents for all children on Earth on time. I don’t know whose I have on my list, but it’s my duty to get them, right?”

Kazu nodded with big eyes. “So that other children aren’t sad right?”

“Yes. So we will be little helpers today, okay?” 

“Yup. And how will Santa get the presents?”

“Ah, we will put them on the balcony. And when everybody is asleep, he will appear and get the presents on his sleigh. 

“Can we peek on him?” Kazu asked hopefully, but Nagase shook his head with a small laugh.

“No, sadly not. Santa won’t appear if we try to get a look at him.”

“Aww… I’d like to meet him,” Kazu pouted. “Satoshi told me Saint Nicholas visited him in school. He was in daycare as well, right? And I was ill. Why couldn’t I see him?” he asked sadly.

“Oh little one,” Nagase sighed and picked him up to kiss his cheek. “He will be there next year as well, I promise. And then we will visit him. But if you really, really want and promise not to cry we can meet Santa?”

“Can we?”

“Yes, of course. Did I ever lie to you, little one?” he asked with a frown.

Kazu nodded and smiled happily again. If he saw Santa, he could tell him what he wished for. That way he was sure that the man understood. Because he still wasn’t so sure that his letter would be understood. And there were things that he couldn’t put in because he didn’t know how.

“Have you finished breakfast?” Nagase asked the boy in his arms and then looked at Satoshi as well. Both boys nodded, and Nagase put Kazu down. “Then go and change into warm clothes. I will clean the kitchen, and when you are ready, we can go.”

“Will we go by train?” Kazu asked curiously. He had come to enjoy travelling by train and bus. Because you could see so many things and Nagase didn’t need to concentrate. 

“Not today. After all the shopping we have to do you will be happy that we have the car.”

Kazu nodded even if he was pouting and then took Satoshi’s hand to leave the kitchen and race him to his room, where he chose a pair of jeans and a soft yellowish sweater. It was soft and warm, and he loved it so much. 

With his clothes in hand, he went to the bathroom to wash his face and hands and brush his teeth under Satoshi’s gaze and changed into his chosen clothes. When he was ready, he remembered about the extra warm clothes and ran back to his room to put on a cardigan as well. 

Rather proud of himself he came to the living room where Nagase was waiting. He looked a bit amused at Kazu’s chosen attire but didn’t say anything as he ruffled his hair. “Ready?”

“Yup! Coat and scarf,” he mumbled as he went to the entryway to pull down his coat and put it on. With a concentrated frown on his face, he nestled at the zip until he managed to close it and stretched to get his scarf and his hat to put them on.

“Ready!” he shouted happily and jumped up and down. “Hurry hurry.”

Satoshi giggled as he got ready himself and Nagase followed them. He tipped Kazu’s nose and knelt down to look into the happy face. 

“Didn’t you forget something?” he asked in an amused voice.

“No?”

“What about shoes?”

“Oh…” Kazu mumbled as he looked down. He still had his house shoes and not his boots. He totally forgot. He planted himself on the floor and tried to get the shoes on with the small amount of free moving space he had left. “I can’t reach,” he said with a whine in his voice. 

Nagase chuckled and caressed his cheek before he could cry. “I’ll help you,” he said and put on the shoes before getting ready himself and then opening the entry door so that they could go out and go shopping for the day. It would be stressful, yes, but Nagase hoped that it would also be fun. It was always lovely to walk around the city with all the Christmas lights, he thought, and he wanted to share this view with Kazu.


	9. Chapter 9

Nagase sighed softly as he smelled the delicious smell of the apples. He loved baked apples. He didn’t know if Kazu would like them, Satoshi was a big fan because of the marzipan inside. But how Kazu would react, he couldn’t say. Luckily Kazu normally was always ready to try things out.

“Almost finished,” he mumbled to himself and opened the door to the oven for a moment to look inside. Yup, it really looked good.

He pulled out four plates and put them on the counter while he prepared the table with tea and coffee. He was considerably nervous about today. 

Nagase sighed and rubbed his face. It was probably way too early for him to invite the woman he liked but it also felt wrong to wait at the same time. He needed to know if the children would like her and the other way before trying to get to know her better and deepen their relationship. 

He groaned when the alarm of the oven beeped and started to prepare the four plates with the baked apple for all of them. Then he went to Satoshi’s room to look for the children. He smiled when he saw them playing a game with a pirate in a barrel. He waited until the pirate jumped out of the barrel and Kazu’s loud giggling. He knocked at the door and smiled when both boys looked at him. 

“I made a baked apple for this afternoon. It’s finally ready,” he said.

“Oh, really? With extra marzipan?” Satoshi asked excitedly and was up on his feet in seconds. Kazu followed him a bit more slowly and looked from one to the other. 

“Are baked apples good?”

“The best! You have to try them.”

“And you can. But they have to cool down a little bit more before you can eat it.”

Kazu nodded, and Nagase sighed. He had to tell them before Samantha arrived. “I also will have a guest over. A woman. I like her very much, and I’d like you to get to know her,” he explained carefully. 

“Is she nice?”

“One of the nicest persons I know,” he promised with a smile. 

Satoshi frowned as he looked at Nagase and Kazu. “Do you like her?”

“Yes, I do,” he said softly. 

Satoshi smiled and nodded. He didn’t have many problems if he got a girlfriend. To be honest, he would like for Nagase to find someone he loved. He just hoped she would like them as well. He suddenly fidgeted slightly feeling nervous about meeting her. 

“Satoshi, come here,” Nagase said suddenly when he realised how he behaved. Satoshi blinked but came closer without complaints. Nagase hugged him close and pulled Kazu closer as well. He kissed both of the children on the forehead. 

“Don’t be scared about her. I like her, and I’d like to be with her, yes. But what is most important is that she likes you, and you like her. We are family, and it’s either all of us or none,” he promised.

“And if she doesn’t?”

“Then I might be sad for a little while. But I’m sure it will be okay. Because I have you two to cheer me up.”

“Yes,” Satoshi nodded feeling a lot lighter. Kazu just continued to look confusingly at them. He didn’t really understand what was going on but at Satoshi’s promise, he nodded as well. 

“That’s good then. So how about you two go wash your hands and we’ll meet in the kitchen?”

“Yes,” the two yelled out simultaneously and ran out of the room. 

Nagase got up and went to the kitchen to prepare the last plates when the bell rang, and he went to open the door instead.

“Hello, thank you for inviting me,” the woman across of him said in a low voice. 

Nagase looked at her for a moment. She was beautiful in the dark blue woollen dress with the red flowers on the arms. He cleared his throat when he realised that he was staring at her and stepped aside to let her in. 

“I’m glad you could make it. Thank you for coming by. The apples are also finished by now,” he explained and offered her a pair of guest slippers so that she could take off the winter boots before taking her coat. 

He led her to the kitchen and offered her the chair that they usually didn’t use. He put the finishing touches of the baked apple on the plates and ice-cream before putting them on their designated places. “The boys should be here in a minute.”

“I hope they like me,” she mumbled nervously. 

Nagase laughed softly at those words. “I think the kids hope the same for you.”

“From your stories about them, they have to be adorable.”

Nagase nodded at those words. He thought they were adorable after all. He looked up when the door opened, and the boys peaked inside nervously. The woman stood up when she heard them and nervously picked at her dress.

Kazu looked her up and down for a moment before stepping inside with Satoshi close behind him. “Hello,” he greeted politely just as he had learnt in daycare.

Samantha chuckled slightly and crouched down to be on the same height as the boys. She smiled and held out her hand to them. 

“Hello, I’m Samantha, but you may call me Sam or Sami because the name is so long.”

“Samantha?” Kazu repeated slowly stumbling a bit over the many syllables. He grinned when she nodded and shook her hand. Kazu smiled and ran over to Nagase to hug him around his legs. 

“It smells good in here,” he said with big eyes. Nagase laughed and picked him up to put him into his chair. 

Satoshi looked at the woman for a moment before greeting her politely as well. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you both as well. How about we eat the apples Tomoya made for us before they get cold?”

Satoshi’s eyes widened at those words, and he nodded fast. The baked apples have to be eaten warm otherwise they won’t be as delicious. “Yes, please.”

Samantha smiled and got up again. She sat at the table and Satoshi climbed on his own chair. He looked at the others as they thanked for the meal and began eating slowly. 

Satoshi watched Kazu a bit curiously and grinned when he licked his lips happily. He was happy that Kazu liked the apple as much as he did. He ate a spoon of the ice cream before digging into his apple happily. It had the right amount of marzipan, and it was delicious.

They talked a little bit during their meal and Samantha seemed to be really nice, Satoshi thought. 

Kazu seemed to think likewise since as soon as they were all finished he took her hand and led his new friend ‘Sami’ to the living room and brought games for them to play together. 

And Samantha played with them without complaining but seemed to enjoy spending time with them a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me, but I think it's time?


	10. Chapter 10

Kazu looked at the pictures of the book that he found on Satoshi’s bed with a frown on his face. The book looked a bit boring. There were only a few pictures inside and not as many as he was used to from his own books. 

“Kazu, where are you?” he heard Nagase shout from somewhere else.

Kazu looked around before climbing under the bed. He sneezed slightly because of the dust underneath and held his hand in front of his mouth giggling softly. He was curious if Nagase would look for him and find him here. 

Nagase wondered loudly if he lost the small boy and then made it a show to go through all the rooms looking for the little boy. He heard giggling from Satoshi’s room and smiled. 

“Oh no, what will I do? My dear Kazu is gone,” he said overly sad and sat on the floor. “I will miss him so much.” He faked a sob and at that Kazu hurried out from his hiding place and ran over to Nagase to cling to his back. 

“I’m here. Tomo shouldn’t be sad,” he cried out. “I was hiding. We play hide and seek in daycare it’s fun. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, my little one is back,” Nagase cheered and pulled him over so that he could put him to his lap. He smiled and rubbed his cheeks. “Hide and seek yes?”

Kazu nodded and looked at him with big eyes. “But I didn’t want to make you sad.”

“Mhm… It’s okay. If I know what we are playing, I won’t be worried. Why are you in SAtoshi’s room though?” he asked curiously and looked at him. 

“Toshi has allowed me to draw on his desk,” Kazu explained and smiled. 

“Look: I drew a picture for Sam,” he explained and jumped from his lap to get said picture and show it to Nagase. “She said she would come to our Christmas play tomorrow. And we made presents for our daddies and mommies. I did one for Tomo and Toshi but none for her. And she will be sad if she is the only one not getting anything right?”

“It’s beautiful. I’m sure she will love it. And it’s very thoughtful of you to make something especially for her.”

“Tomo likes her, right?”

“Yes, I like her very much,” he agreed with a soft smile. 

“Tomo?” 

“Yes?”

“Will she move in?” 

Nagase sighed and shrugged a little bit. He had thought this kind of question would come later. “I don’t know yet,” he said softly. “I don’t know her for that long. And I don’t know if she would like to live here with us.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Would you like it if she moved in?”

“I don’t know. She is nice but… I like being with you and Toshi.” A frown was on Kazu’s face. 

Nagase kissed his forehead and hugged him close. “Then we shouldn’t worry about that yet, okay? If in the future we want to live together we will all talk about it together, you, Sam, Satoshi and me.”

“Really?”

“Of course. It’s a decision we should make together.”

“Okay.” Kazu hugged him close and smiled. 

“Ne Tomo?” he continued.

“Yes?”

“Will you read me a story?”

“Of course. Any wishes, little one?”

“The book on Toshi’s bed. He is reading it a lot.”

“Huh?” Nagase made a bit confused and then stood with a bit of difficulty with the boy in his arms. He checked the book and smiled when he saw that it was the book with the stories of the bible in it. During his time he often read it. Nagase would have to make sure to find out when the Christmas masses would be. During school time Satoshi went once a week with the class to a special mass. 

“I have another book that would be better for you. It has more pictures,” he promised with a grin when Kazu’s ears seemed to perk up at those words. 

Nagase brought Kazu into the living room and pulled out the bible for real young children before settling down. “How about the story about why we celebrate Christmas? Mrs Schmidt told me you are curious about it?”

“Yes, please,” Kazu nodded and settled down beside Nagase who opened the book to read the story about Mary, Joseph and the birth of Jesus.


	11. Chapter 11

The play had been fun. It had mostly consisted of the children singing Christmas songs and doing small dances, but all in all, it had been adorable, and the children were proud that they didn't do anything wrong or forgot something. 

Nagase led Samantha to the classroom of Kazu’s group after it had finished. The children had decorated it with all kinds of things that could be associated with Christmas.

The decorations were beautiful even if they were a little bit crude as they were made by small children who still learnt how to draw and use scissors but Nagase could imagine how proud they all were and how happy they had been while doing those things, so it was the most beautiful thing he had seen. 

“It’s great,” Samantha whispered behind him. 

“It is. They did great,” he agreed softly and ruffled Satoshi’s hair who looked around a bit. 

“Where is Kazu?” 

“They are changing back into their normal clothes,” Nagase said amusedly and finally stepped further into the room to help the other parents to put the foodstuff on plates and on the finely decorated tables.

He contributed the small gifts the teachers prepared for the children and smiled when he found the table for Kazu and them together with another family. The children were friends, and Nagase was glad that Kazu got to share this table with one of his friends. He saw the three prepared presents from Kazu and grinned. He had brought the picture for Samantha with him this morning making sure that Kazu wouldn’t forget with how excited he had been. 

They had finished their preparations just in time, Nagase thought when the door opened, and the children came inside. Of course, they were greeted with the applause of their parents once again, and Nagase knelt down when Kazu ran up to him with a happy grin on his red face. 

It was so seldom that he saw Kazu that happy and it warmed his heart each time he was allowed to. 

“You did great,” he praised, grinning when Kazu’s smile got even wider, and he hopped over to Satoshi to get a hug and a praise as well, before stopping in front of Samantha. 

The woman leant over to praise Kazu as well and ruffled his hair softly. Kazu liked Samantha, yes, but he was still insecure and shy about getting to close to strangers. 

“Was it fun?” she asked, and he nodded happily.

“I like singing,” he explained. “Singing and making music.”

“Oh, how nice. But yes, music is wonderful,” she agreed, and Kazu took her hand in his own. 

“Do you make music?” he asked curiously.

“I can play the piano,” she explained. “I learnt when I was younger.”

“Will you show me?” he asked after a moment. 

“Mhm… When you all will visit me once, I can,” she promised, laughing softly when Kazu nodded contentedly and tugged her hand a bit to show her her seat. “That’s for you. Tomo sits here and then me and Toshi on my other side,” he explained and pointed at each chair after the other. 

They nodded in understanding and sat down in their designated seats. The other families settled down as well slowly. 

“We want to thank you all again for coming today. The children prepared presents for you, so please open them and then we have cake for everybody,” one of the teachers explained loudly. 

Kazu looked at them a bit nervously. He had tried hard to make his presents, and he hoped they liked them. 

Samantha was the first to open the picture and smiled at Kazu after she had looked at it for a few seconds. “It is really beautiful. Thank you so much, Kazu. When I’m home, I will put it on the wall.”

“Really?” he asked surprised. 

She laughed and nodded. “Of course. It is a wonderful painting. So it needs to be put on display.”

He continued to look at her with wide but happy eyes and nodded. He was glad that she liked it. 

Nagase grinned and ruffled Kazu’s hair after he had opened. It was a Christmas tree bauble made of plastic. It was painted in yellow, and there were small thumbprints in brown on it that had dots as eyes and nose and antlers. Those details were probably made by the teachers, but it was beautiful. He hugged him and smiled. 

“Thank you, Kazu. It is really nice. We will hang it on our Christmas tree,” he promised the grinning boy. Kazu nodded happily at that promise. Then he watched Satoshi curiously and nervously.

He had made a Christmas tree for the older boy out of cardboard and put on different kinds of stickers and glitter to make it colourful. The teachers had helped him to make sure that it would stand and glued the ends of the cardboard together, so it had the form of a tree. 

“It’s for your desk,” he explained softly when Satoshi stared for it for a moment. 

“Oh, wow!” Satoshi said and put it down carefully before hugging Kazu close. “Now I have my very own Christmas tree, and I can put it in my room. That’s great. Thank you Kazu,” he grinned and kissed his cheek loudly.

Kazu giggled softly and looked at the two adults. “May we have cake now?” 

“Don’t you want to open your present? It’s from the teachers,” Nagase said, but Kazu shook his head while rubbing his belly. 

“Me is hungry first,” he decided. 

Nagase chuckled and nodded before taking the present to be able to put a piece of chocolate cake on it so that Kazu could eat.


	12. Chapter 12

Nagase put all materials on the kitchen table and made sure that he had everything on the ready. He sighed and looked at the calendar. It was time to prepare the cards if he wants to make sure that everybody got theirs before Christmas. He hated to be short of time. There was always the worry that something would interfere with the post office and the cards were late. 

He looked at the clock and smiled when he realised that now he had to hurry to fetch Kazu from his daycare in time. Of course, there was still over an hour before it closed but Nagase always made sure not to be the last one but one of the first to get his child in the afternoon. 

When he arrived at the daycare, he had a small talk with the teacher about yesterdays feast and Kazu’s progress before entering the group room and finding Kazu almost immediately at one of the tables playing a game with some other children. He waited patiently until it was over before going to them and looking down at Kazu. 

“Hey, little one. Ready to go?” he asked. 

“Yup!” Kazu agreed and jumped up. He hugged Nagase’s leg before waving at the other children and saying goodbye before following Nagase out of the room. 

Outside Nagase helped him to change into his outdoor shoes and coat, before putting the scarf around his neck and the hat on his head. 

They went home where Nagase prepared them some tea and Kazu looked over all the materials curiously. 

“What are you doing?”

“We will be making Christmas cards. Satoshi will be home in a bit, and then we can do them together.”

“How so?”

“Right now they are just plain cardboard cards. We will draw on them or put on stickers and such things. Then we will write a greeting and our names, and later on, I will send them.”

“Where to?” 

“To friends, people I know from work, family and our neighbours.”

“Mhm… can I make a card for Auntie? And for Aoi at daycare and the teachers?”

“Of course. We can make tons, and I will help you to write if you want to write greetings as well.”

Kazu grinned happily and nodded as he sat on his chair and took the mug of warm tea to drink it until he heard the door open and Satoshi coming to the kitchen. 

He waved at him in greeting and emptied his cup. “We are making cards,” he announced happily. 

“Sounds nice,” Satoshi agreed with a small smile. He wasn’t that big of a fan of writing cards, but he knew that Nagase wouldn’t let him go without writing at least some for his teachers and the people looking after him. One for Paul and Julie would be there as well. Sometimes Satoshi still felt bad for not choosing them. But he knew they had adopted a small child shortly after and were quite happy like that. So, it was good. And he was very thankful that they had been so understanding in the past. 

“Okay let’s start then. Do you want any tea?” he asked both boys who shook their heads. 

Kazu hummed softly as he started on his cards and ignored the other for the moment. It was nice doing things for others, he thought. And it was great that Nagase would do all the things with him.


	13. Chapter 13

“I was allowed to play with the drums,” Kazu explained when he left the room of the doctors and climbed onto Nagase’s lap. He hugged the older man close for a while and laid his head on his shoulder. 

“Sounds good. Are you tired, little one?” 

“A bit. We talked about mommy and daddy, and then everything hurt,” he explained and held him tighter. 

“I don’t like that. My tummy hurts the most then.” 

Nagase smiled sadly and swayed him a bit from side to side. He had hoped that it would be better slowly. But there was still a lot of pain inside the small boy in his arms. 

“I see. And playing the drums helped?”

“A bit. I could hit it as hard as possible. That was nice. The sound is nice.”

“That’s good. Do you want to go home yet?”

“Can we go look at the lights?” Kazu asked instead and finally looked up. “I like the lights on the streets. They are so bright and twinkle really funnily.”

“Of course. Do you need help with your coat or do you want to try alone?”

“Help?” 

“Then let’s put doggie down on this chair for a moment, and we can wear your coat and get ready for going out.” Nagase put Kazu down on the floor after Kazu had put the plush doll on the chair next to them and carefully began to dress the boy again in his warm outer clothes. He did the same and put the dog in Kazu’s small bag. 

“Is it okay? That way I can hold your hand.”

“Yup. And doggie isn’t freezing, right? It’s cold outside otherwise. In the bag it’s warm,” Kazu agreed and took his hand in his own. 

Nagase nodded and said goodbye to the helper at the front. Next week he would be here two times. Once with the small boy and then again with Satoshi. He had talked long with the boy but this time was always so hard on him that it was better to speak with someone else and luckily Satoshi had agreed after a few days. 

They stepped out of the house and Nagase didn’t need to think for long to bring Kazu somewhere in the city with those beautiful lights that the boy loved so much. 

“Tomo? Why are there so many papers on that Christmas tree?” the boy asked suddenly and he followed his pointing fingers. 

He picked the boy up to get closer to the tree and look at all the small cards. A small smile was on his face as he looked at one after the others. It was clear that they were made by small children because of the writing and drawings.

“This is a very special tree, Kazu. You know, there are all kinds of children that don’t live with their parents or whose parents don’t have lots of money to fulfil their wishes,” he explained softly. 

“But Santa…”

“Yes, Santa brings them presents as well. But it’s complicated sometimes, Kazu. Santa can only bring presents if you believe in him, right? And sometimes you lose all your hope and belief. And then they don’t send Santa letters with their wishes or tell him when they see him,” he continued and smiled softly. 

“That’s why they put their wishes on this cards, and we can chose a card to get them what they wish for and sent it to them as Santa’s helpers and hope that they will believe in him again.”

“Can we take a card?” Kazu asked and looked at them for a while. He hugged Nagase tightly around his neck. Without Nagase he could be one of those kids, he knew that. And he understood that Santa wouldn’t come if you didn’t tell him what you wanted. Because nobody brought him presents when he still didn’t know about him. 

“Yes, of course. Do you want to choose?” Nagase asked with a smile.

Kazu nodded. Of course, he did. He looked at the pictures of the cards and then pointed at one of them. 

“We have to tell the lady there that we would like to take this one. They want to make sure that nobody just takes them without getting the present,” he explained. 

“Okay,” Kazu nodded but stayed on Nagase’s arm as they went to the woman behind the counter. 

Nagase told her about the card Kazu chose, and Kazu made sure that it was the right one when the women removed it and gave it to them. 

“Thank you,” he said politely and asked Nagase to be put down again. 

Nagase did as he was told and read the card for Kazu out loud. He looked down at him. “Should we go and get it now?” he asked. “Or are you too tired?”

“Can we get a hot chocolate?” Kazu asked hopefully. 

Nagase checked his watch and nodded in the end. 

“Okay. I will call Satoshi and tell him where we are. Perhaps he wants to join us then he can choose a card himself, and we will get both presents, okay?”

“Yes!” Kazu cried out loudly and took his hand to drag him to the next cafe so that he would get his hot chocolate.

Nagase called Satoshi after they ordered who agreed to come to them and do the same as Kazu.

In the end, they decided on three cards, one for each of them and Nagase was glad that the boys wanted to make this a Christmas tradition from now on.


	14. Chapter 14

Satoshi wandered over the Christmas market looking from stall to stall. He enjoyed walking over them after school had ended. It was nice to smell all the treats on them and look at all the super cute things they sold there. He looked at his watch to make sure he was still on time and walked a bit faster to get to the other end of the big square where they had built the stalls. 

Sho had promised him to meet him here after his piano lesson had ended. They wanted to walk around and look at the stalls to get some Christmas presents for their parents and siblings. For Sho, he wanted to buy things for his grandparents back in Japan as well and had asked Satoshi for his help. 

“Hey,” Sho greeted with a grin when he finally saw Satoshi approaching him and waved. 

“Sorry, I’m late,” Satoshi mumbled with a frown. He was sure that he couldn’t be that late, though.

Sho shook his head and then shrugged. “My teacher ended the lesson early, so I was here early. But I didn’t wait long. Don’t worry. Do you want to eat something first?” Sho asked with a hopeful glint to his eyes. Satoshi laughed but nodded. 

“Sure why not,” he shrugged, and they went back to the closest stalls. They quickly decided on fried sausage in a bun and moved to the side when they had their food. 

“Do you have any idea what to get your parents?” Satoshi asked curiously, but Sho just shrugged. 

“Not really. But I hope they have some nice Christmas tree baubles. Those big ones that you can hang from your ceiling. I think they would like those. My grandparents are a bit harder since I need to think of something that doesn’t break and isn’t too heavy,” Sho explained with a frown. 

“Mhm… That will be hard, probably,” Satoshi agreed. Many stalls made their own Christmas decorations. They were nice to look at and not really heavy, but they were mostly breakable items so it could be hard to send safely. 

“But we will find something,” Sho said with a grin and a shrug. “At least let’s enjoy being here. I will sleep over today as well, right?”

“Yup, dad agreed to have you over, and I think Kazu is looking forward to you reading to him. So we should be back for dinner.”

“Should be manageable,” Sho chuckled softly while rolling his eyes. Satoshi would do anything for his little-adopted brother, and while that was adorable and cute, it was also pretty amusing since Satoshi didn’t always want to seem like he worried about him a lot. 

They finished their fried sausages in silence and then went again over the market to look at the different stalls. On some, they stood for a while longer, and Sho purchased the Christmas baubles he had hoped for as well as a small necklace for his little sister and a puzzle game for his brother. 

Satoshi had thought long about getting one for Kazu as well since he thought they were fun even if he was a little bit too stupid to finish them fast. But he knew that sometimes Kazu had problems if he lost too often in a row or if things got too complicated. He tended to throw the game away then and threw a tantrum about how he was too stupid and dumb and such things. Satoshi didn’t want to experience that on Christmas Eve if he was honest. So he should probably let him try to do some of his own games at home when he got just a little bit older. 

“I like that…” Satoshi said to himself as he stood in front of a game that was made of sticks and magnets which you could stick in anyways. He remembered seeing them in Kazu’s list for Santa, but he didn’t know if Nagase already bought it. Also, it was too big for him to pay and give to his little brother as a small extra-present beside the ones that Santa brought. He sighed and tugged at a strand of hair. It would be lots easier if they never told Kazu about Santa and everything but he loved the look of wonder on Kazu’s face whenever he learnt or experienced something new. And he thought Kazu was still young enough to believe a little bit in magic. 

“It’s expensive,” Sho said and looked around at the stall. “Hey what about one of those?” he asked and pointed at the pipes. “You blow into them and move the stick, and it makes sounds like birds do. Kazu likes music, doesn’t he?” 

“You are right,” Satoshi said with a smile. He actually knew that Nagase was getting him a keyboard for little children, but this was easy to play. So, Kazu should like it. “Thanks. I will get one of those in yellow and blue. They are Kazu’s favourite colours,” he grinned happily and bought the pipe for his brother. Now he only needed a small thing for his father. He had bought a small fish keychain for Samantha that he thought had been very cute. He hoped the woman liked it, but she seemed to be happy with almost all they might prepare for her. 

They walked around talking with some people of the stalls and enjoying the colourful lights on each booth and around them. There was a smell of Christmas spices in the air as well as Christmas songs, and he loved it very much. In the evening and loaded with all of their presents they went home to be greeted by a thrilled Kazu who abandoned his game when he heard his brother and friend and by Nagase who told them to wash their hands since the stew was already ready for them. It was nice to come home to such a place, Satoshi thought happily as he hugged Kazu and then went to his room to hide his presents and go back to the kitchen to eat all together.


	15. Chapter 15

Kazu sat on the windowsill and looked outside in wonder. His nose was pressed against the window as he stared at the snowflakes that were falling down to Earth. Everything seemed to be touched by powdered snow, and the cars outside weren’t as loud as he was used to. It looked magical somehow. 

“Tomo, Tomo, can we go outside?” he asked in a loud voice before he jumped off the windowsill and ran to the workspace of the older man where he was working on some boring stuff. Usually, Kazu never disturbed Nagase here. He only went inside when something was troubling his mind or if he had something very important to tell the older one. 

“Why do you want to go outside so suddenly?” Nagase asked amused as he put off the desktop he had been working on. He knew that Kazu couldn’t read yet and wouldn’t be able to understand any of the things that were written there but still; better safe than sorry. 

“It’s snowing. And it stays on the sidewalks. They are completely white and looked as if everything is in powdered sugar,” Kazu explained still excitedly and looked at him with big begging eyes. “Please, can we go play in the snow? Have you finished work yet?”

“Is that so?” Nagase asked and stood with Kazu in his arms to peek outside. He was surprised how much snow has fallen so far, and he couldn’t deny that inside his heart he was excited for it as well. He liked walking through the snow and just relaxing in the quiet and peace. It was something very special for him.

“How about you ask Satoshi and Sho if they want to go out as well and then we can go to the park,” he offered the boy. 

“Sounds good,” Kazu agreed with a big smile on his face. When his feet met the floor again, he was off running to the room where his brother played with Sho. He knocked politely how he had learnt and waited until he was allowed inside. 

“It’s snowing!” he declared loudly as soon as the door opened and rushed inside. He was careful not to destroy the lego buildings they had made and climbed onto the bed. That was the safest surface right now. He looked at the beautiful city and was a little bit envious that Satoshi had so many, but as he was mostly allowed to play with the older boy, it was mostly okay. 

“Is that so?” Satoshi asked and tickled his little brother so that he would look at them again.

“Yep. I want to go out. Will you come with us? Tomo said it was okay to go out. He has finished work,” he explained. 

“Mhm… If so, we should accompany you. We can build a snowman and have a snowball fight,” Satoshi said.

“I don’t like fights,” Kazu shook his head and pouted at the thought of having a fight with the older boy. 

“We don’t have a real fight. So don’t worry about that. It’s fun, I promise. And we can make teams two against two,” Satoshi promised. 

“We don’t have to do it. We can also just play in the snow,” Sho promised when Kazu still looked a bit insecure. That brought a smile onto the younger boys face again as he nodded happily. That sounded nice. 

“But you have to wear warm clothes. Otherwise, you will freeze, and that won’t be fun,” Satoshi said thoughtfully as he helped Kazu down from his bed again. “Come let’s go to your room and change into winter clothes.”

Kazu nodded as he was led out of the room and to his room. He sat down on his bean bag while Satoshi looked through his clothes for the right thick mud trousers. He helped Kazu in them and then a thick sweater. “All ready to go,” he announced, and Kazu ran off again to tell Nagase that they could leave.

They went to the nearby park just as Nagase had promised Kazu earlier. He walked behind the boys as they ran around the snow, having undoubtedly fun with throwing bits of snow at each other and playing around in general. They took a break at a cafe in the middle of the park where Nagase bought them all warm cups of hot chocolate and made sure to find a table close to the window as he ordered himself a big cup of coffee. The children drank their chocolates fast and talked about finally making the snowman. 

“I will wait inside,” Nagase explained and caressed Kazu’s head. “So you can come in whenever it gets too cold. Just make sure to keep an eye in Kazu, okay?” he asked the two oldest who nodded seriously. 

“We will make sure that he is okay,” Sho promised.

Nagase smiled and looked at Kazu. And you listen to your older brother,” he advised to which Kazu nodded in earnest. He would always listen to Satoshi.

“Good then you are free to go out,” he said and pointed at the big field beside the window. “I will keep an eye on you from here. Come inside directly if someone is behaving strangely.”

“Yes,” all three chorused. Nagase smiled in amusement and helped Kazu wearing his things again before letting them all go. He ordered a second cup of coffee when he was alone and watched the boys working on the snowman outside. They apparently had fun, and Nagase was happy that the older boys would always include Kazu in everything they did.

It took a while until Kazu was the first one to come back inside because he was cold and Nagase order him a cup of tea to get warm again. “Look our snowman is big, right?” he asked and looked outside where Satoshi and Sho put the head he had made on top of the body they had made.

“Yes, it looks great. You did really good,” Nagase praised.

Kazu smiled proudly as he drank his tea and watched the older boys decorate the face until they finished their task and came inside as well to enjoy a warm cup of tea to get warm again.


	16. Chapter 16

Satoshi had been excited the whole morning. Nagase had promised him that they would finally go visit the ice rink today. Satoshi knew he could have gone alone or could have tried to drag Sho along but Sho was horrible on the ice, and he really didn’t want to be the cause of some injuries on his best friend. 

Also, going with his dad and brother was something that he had dreamt of. Satoshi loved doing things with Nagase the last years during Christmas time and visiting the ice rink had been one of them. Now he visualised that Kazu would be adorable on the ice and he wanted to share his hobbies with the smaller boy.

“Will we meet with Samantha?” he asked Nagase who shrugged a little. 

“I can ask her if she has free time today to come over if you want. But I thought you wanted to go with us alone?” Nagase asked surprised. 

Satoshi nibbled at his lower lip as he got ready to go out and watched Kazu looking from one to the other. He still hadn’t really understood what they were going to do today. 

“She is a nice woman,” he mumbled instead of answering.

Nagase chuckled and hugged him tightly for a small moment. “That she is. But that doesn’t mean we have to invite her every day. Today is a family day, okay? We can ask her over the next week.”

Satoshi looked up and smiled. “Yes, please,” he asked and grinned when Kazu nodded as well. 

“Then I’ll ask,” Nagase promised and turned around to help Kazu closing his coat. “For now let’s head to the ice-rink before it gets too full in the afternoon, okay?”

“Yep.”

“What will we be doing there?”

“Ice-skating,” Satoshi answered with a happy smiled and zipped up his jacket before taking Kazu’s hand in his own so that they could leave. He led the way to the next bus station so that they could head for the hall that was turned into an ice-rink.

They stepped on the bus and Kazu ran to the four-seater in the back to climb on the seat at the window to press his nose against the window to look outside with bright eyes. It looked beautiful with all the Christmas decorations and the lights. Even if it was the middle of the day the sun didn’t really come out right now, so they sparkled beautifully.

Satoshi and Nagase chuckled amusedly as they went to sit beside him. Satoshi looked outside as well and answered Kazu’s questions while Nagase made sure they get off at the right station.

They entered the hall and Nagase paid the entry fee for them before lending their skates. He ruffled Satoshi’s hair and smiled. “Go have fun. I make sure that Kazu knows what’s going on.”

Satoshi grinned happily and left them alone to go to the rink and put on his shoes before stepping on the ice to move around happily and trying different things.

Kazu watched Ohno for a moment before looking at Nagase who talked with a man from the ice rink and shortly after brought out a penguin figure for him. 

“Cute,” Kazu giggled as he poked the doll. He grinned up and looked at Nagase.

“You can hold on it on the ice so that you won’t fall. Let’s sit down, and I help you with your shoes.”

Nagase knew that he could also skate with the boy, but he wasn’t good enough to bend down the whole time to have the same height as Kazu. So the doll was a good thing to help him, and he could make sure that Kazu was okay.

He changed their shoes before standing up and helping Kazu onto his feet.

“AH! Scary!” Kazu cried out and grabbed his leg tightly as not to fall down. “I is not moving. I will fall,” he said and shook his head in fear.

“You will be fine. I will be here beside you and look at Satoshi he doesn’t fall see?”

Kazu looked at Satoshi who was still skating skillfully before nodding even if he wasn’t too sure about it. Nagase moved very carefully beside him and pried his hands from his leg. 

He took Kazu’s hands to make sure that he was standing on the ice and then moved a bit leading Kazu in a small circle. “See no falling.”

“Okay,” Kazu nodded with a small smile.

Nagase smiled and led him to the penguin doll to help him hold it in the right way. “See you can’t fall it will help you. Move slowly forwards. It’s the same as when you are sliding on your socks in the living room. You like that right?”

“It’s fun,” Kazu agreed with a giggle and did as he was told. His eyes widened when he realised that he could move without falling and the help of Nagase. So he grinned proudly.

“Look! Look!” he cried out and grinned at Nagase who nodded. “You are doing great.”

Kazu looked around until he saw Satoshi and with a concentrated look on his face, he moved closer to the older boy. He wanted to show him what he could do. He grinned happily, and his fear was long forgotten as he skated over the ice with Nagase close by his side. 

Only after a while Nagase led the boy back to the entry and helped him out of the ice-rink and took off his shoes. 

“You are cold. Let’s drink a hot chocolate. Then you can try again if you want,” he explained at the confused look of the boy. He had seen that Kazu’s liüs were almost blue so it was better to get the boy warm again before he would get ill. He waved at Satoshi and pointed to the small coffee shop that was right beside the ice-rink so that he knew why he was leaving. Satoshi nodded in answer and danced around for a bit more before joining them in the shop to warm up as well.

“Having fun?” Nagase asked Satoshi.

“Yup. But it’s getting cold and rainy,” he sighed. 

“Toshi, Toshi. I could skate all alone. Did you see?”

“Yup. Soon you can go all alone without the doll, and we can skate together, right?”

“Yes! Let’s go back?”

“Not today,” Satoshi mumbled and frowned. “It’s raining, and then it’s no fun. Let’s go home instead and play the snail game, okay?”

Kazu pouted a bit, but then he nodded in agreement. He liked that game, and cold rain wasn’t that good so it was a good idea from the other.


	17. Chapter 17

“Dad, will you accompany me?” Satoshi asked in an almost inaudible voice during their breakfast.

Nagase looked at the boy and nodded with a smile. “Yes, of course. Don’t worry about it. I won’t let you go alone if you don’t want to.”

“Don’t you have to look after Kazu?” he continued in the same voice being careful as to not overheard by Kazu. He didn’t want to make Kazu sad, but he also didn’t want to take him with him today. He needed his dad alone for this.

“Kazu has a play date with Aoi-chan directly after daycare, right Kazu?”

Kazu looked up from where he was trying to assemble his breakfast and put the slice of bread and cheese down before nodding with a bright grin. “We are going to a big indoor playground,” he explained happily bouncing up and down on his high seat. “We are going directly after daycare. Her mommy is going to pick us up. Aoi told me yesterday.”

“Sounds great. And I will give you a bit of pocket money that you may spend on a soft ice-cream cone or whatever you fancy,” Nagase promised and grinned when Kazu nodded happily before concentrating again on his bread to finally begin eating. His creation didn#t look as good as Nagase’s always looked, but he was happy and proud enough to have done it himself. 

“See, you don’t have to worry about that for now. As long as we are home by early evening, it’s fine. So don’t worry, we are all alone, good?”

Satoshi smiled and nodded. “Yes, thank you,” he whispered. He should have already known that Nagase was well-prepared for everything already.

Nagase shook his head since it was quite normal for him to go with any of his children if they needed him. “Should I meet you at school or is it too childish to be picked up by your dad?”

Satoshi grinned but shook his head. “No, it’s good. We can go directly from there,” he agreed with a giggle. 

Nagase nodded and then concentrated on Kazu and his own breakfast so that they were all on time to leave the house to go to school and daycare and work respectively. He wanted to make sure to be on time this afternoon.

—

Satoshi looked uncomfortably at the entryway of the graveyard. He always felt strange visiting, but at the same time, he felt good about it. He liked being here and talking with his mother. To tell her what he had seen and how he had missed her. But during this time it was hard to be here. He missed his mother the most at times like these. 

“Ready to go in?” Nagase asked softly, and Satoshi winced as he realised how long he had stood here silently.

“Yes and no,” Satoshi mumbled with a grimace. 

“Should I come with you to the grave?”

“Yes, please… But I want to be alone for a while as well. Is that okay with you?”

“Of course. We do it as you want and you can take as much time as you want,” he agreed.

Satoshi stared at the entry again and groaned when he realised that he couldn’t take that first step towards it. He looked up pleadingly. “Can you give me a little push?” he asked. They did that when he was younger, and it always helped so much.

Nagase chuckled before nodding at his question. He put his arm around his shoulders and entered the graveyard with him together instead of just pushing him. They walked the familiar path to the grave of Satoshi’s mother, and after saying his prayers in front of it, he squeezed Satoshi’s shoulder again, before leaving him alone and sitting down at a bench a few steps away.

Nagase observed Satoshi as his tense shoulders slowly relaxed the longer he spent there alone. He was worried about his boy. It was always hard on him, and it hurt his heart to see a child so sad and lonely right now. Nagase really hoped that this visit would help Satoshi to free his soul off his worries again and enjoy the last bit of Christmas time. 

Satoshi spent a long time talking with his mother silently in his mind. He liked to imagine that his mother still was there, watching him and taking care of him. Here he felt close to her, and strangely he felt at peace. When he had finished with all he had wanted to tell her, he turned around just to see that Nagase was still there silently supporting him and waiting for him. He felt immensely thankful for the man for being who he was, and he thanked his mother silently because he firmly believed that she had made sure that he found Nagase. 

“Finished already?” Nagase asked after a moment. 

“Uhn…” Satoshi went over and welcomed the warm hug of Nagase as he pressed his face against his shoulder. “Yeah.”

“You’re all cold, kid. Come I’ll treat you to something warm to drink,” Nagase mumbled and rubbed his back to warm him up again hopefully.

“Sounds good. May I have cake as well?” he asked cheekily. 

“If they still have some, sure,” Nagase said teasingly as he led him off the graveyard and to Satoshi’s favourite cake shop.


	18. Chapter 18

Nagase rubbed his eyes as he studied the table and hoped that it wouldn’t bring too much chaos. On the other hand, if the children had fun, it was all okay. Aoi’s mother had asked him if it was possible to look after Kazu and Aoi for the day so that she could go to get the last presents for her family. Of course, he didn’t have a problem with that. But little children wanted to be entertained after all.

So today he thought for them to decorate gingerbread houses and men. He had spent most of the morning baking the cookies and making sure he had all sweets and stuff for the decorations as well. He should have enough cookies for four houses and a few gingerbread men as well since Satoshi had asked him in the morning if Sho was allowed to come over. 

He looked at the clock and then got ready to go fetch the children. At the daycare, he greeted a happily smiling Kazu with a tight hug and ruffled his hair. “Hello, little one. Are you ready to go home?”

“Yup. With Aoi-chan right?”

“Yes. She will spend the day at our home. Because yesterday you were allowed to spend the day there,” Nagase agreed and kissed his forehead before putting him down and smiling at the small girl that arrived at his side. He knelt down and grinned at her. 

“Are you ready Aoi-chan? Or did we interrupt your game?”

“Uhuh. We finished. I got in second,” she grinned happily.

“Oh wow, congratulation on winning second place. How about you both get your stuff and I tell your teacher that I will take you home?”

“YES!” they cried out in unison and ran to the front while giggling to each other to change their shoes to outdoor shoes and get their coats. Nagase smiled amusedly and then went to find their teacher to tell her that he arrived and would take both children home. 

—

“Aoi-chan do you have any preferences for dinner? I’m sure you will eat here with us before your mother gets you,” he explained to the small girl when they were on the bus going home. 

“I don’t like mushrooms,” she said with a frown but then shook her head. Other than that she didn’t really want something special. 

“How about potato soup then?” he asked and looked at Kazu and Aoi.

“Yummy!” Kazu decided, and Aoi nodded along with him. Nagase laughed softly and then looked at the stations to make sure they got off at the right one. At home, he brought them inside and helped them out of their coats and shoes before ushering them into the living room and then in the kitchen.

“I thought we could decorate some gingerbread men and houses,” he explained as he helped Kazu and Aoi on two chairs that were prepped with extra cushions so that they could reach the table. “Satoshi and Sho will come as well in a bit. But you can start ahead. They won’t be mad,” he explained and put two plates filled with the gingerbread plates for the houses in front of them. 

On each was six smaller gingerbread plates that they could use to form the houses. Nagase sat beside them to help to cut whatever they wanted and showed them all the sweets and food colouring the could use for decorating the homes as well as the icing to put them together. 

Sho and Satoshi entered the house half an hour later. Kazu perked up when he heard his brother coming in and put his things down to jump from the chair to run to the door and greet Satoshi with a hug. “We are making gingerbread houses,” Kazu grinned as soon as Satoshi let him go again. 

Satoshi looked down at him and giggled as he rubbed his cheek and licked his thumb. “Mh, sweet,” Satoshi teased before turning the boy around by his shoulders and walking him back to the kitchen. 

Kazu giggled happily and then climbed back on his chair. “Sho and Toshi make their own, right?” he said and pointed at the chairs across of them. 

“Sounds fun,” Sho decided after greeting Nagase and nodding at Aoi before introducing himself to the small girl and then sitting down at one chair to begin on his own house. 

Satoshi grinned when he saw that Sho looked like he was really looking forward to this bit and then sat beside him to do his own house. 

Nagase smiled amused and then started on making their dinner now that he was sure that the older boys would help the younger kids if there were any problems. 

Kazu kept talking with Aoi for the rest of the day and had fun playing around with her. Nagase grinned a bit when they exchanged decorated gingerbread men. 

“Finished!” Kazu declared proudly as he put Aoi’s gingerbread man in front of his house and giggled when Aoi did the same. 

“Then go wash your hands and face. You look like little sugar elves,” Nagase laughed when he observed the children. Kazu giggled and jumped down of his chair before helping Aoi down. They held hands while Kazu brought Aoi with him to the bathroom and soon after they could hear laughing and running water. 

“Are you sure they will be clean?” Satoshi asked amused, and Nagase shrugged. 

“Sure. I’m not so sure about the bathroom and the state of their clothes though,” he said with a smile and turned down the oven. “I will take a look later. First I should clean this up,” he sighed and did as he said. 

Satoshi grinned and looked at Sho’s creation before laughing loudly. “You really suck at arts,” Satoshi smiled, but Sho shrugged. He didn’t care for as long as he had fun which Satoshi knew of course. 

“Have you finished also? I can bring you home later Sho if you want to take those with you?”

“I think I can manage on my own but thank you,” Sho said with a frown. But Nagase shook his head. 

“No I will drive you,” he decided after a moment and put the finished houses aside so that they could dry and were safe. 

“Thank you then.”

“So do you want to see what those two did or should I check if it’s safe to enter the bathroom?” Nagase asked with a chuckle. 

Satoshi and Sho shared a look before Satoshi pointed his finger at Nagase. “We clean the table,” he decided. 

Nagase smiled and went to the bathroom to see if the children were ready. Of course, cleaning-up ended in a water fight, and with an eye roll, he helped them to change into dry ones from Kazu. 

“No more water fights,” he scolded slightly and winked at them before bringing them to the living room. “You can watch a movie until the dinner is ready,” he said and put in a children’s movie. He smiled when Aoi leant against Kazu and put a blanket over them so that they were comfortable.


	19. Chapter 19

Satoshi closed the door of his room with a grin before sticking out his head once more to declare that Nagase wasn’t allowed inside for the rest of the day. 

Nagase laughed when the door fell closed again and shook his head before deciding to let them be and work something more. If he managed to finish the files soon, he would have more free time with the children over the next few days.

Kazu sat on the floor in Satoshi’s room and looked at the older boy with wide, curious eyes. “Why did you tell Tomo that he is forbidden to come in?” Kazu asked him. 

Satoshi smiled and rolled up his carpet to make room for them on the floor. He then brought out some papers, scissors and decoration elements to put on the floor. 

“Because we are going to make presents for Dad,” Satoshi explained while settling down everything in front of them and knelt down beside him. 

“Presents for Tomo?”

“Yup for Christmas.”

“But Santa brings presents,” Kazu mumbled before taking one of the papers to turn it in his hands. 

“Yes,” Satoshi nodded and thought for it for a little moment. “But Christmas is also about showing people we love that we love them. And making small presents for them to keep with them on the desk or to play with or whatever is a good way to show it. You remember how happy you make dad when you draw a painting for him?”

“Yup. Tomo always tells me it’s good and then he pins it in his boring working room,” he grinned happily. “I like it when he looks happy.”

Satoshi nodded and grinned a bit before taking some pens himself. “Yes. So we will make something for dad as well to hide under the tree at Christmas. He will be happy.”

“Okay! Will you help me Toshi?” Kazu asked after a moment. Satoshi was way better at handicrafts than he was, but he wanted to make something special for Nagase because the man always made sure to make everything special for him.

“Of course,” Satoshi promised and jumped up to bring out a few of his crafting books so that they could look through them to decide what they want to recreate. 

It took a bit until Kazu decided on making a snowman for Nagase and then continued to do a few paintings for the man. He grinned happily while he created his pictures and cried out happily when Satoshi put on his favourite Christmas CD to sing along while continuing to make the presents for Nagase and after that a few things for Sami as well. 

It was almost evening when there was a knock at the door. “Dinner is ready. Time to tidy up kids,” Nagase said through the door and left the giggling children alone as they agreed to do what they were told. 

“I will hide them in my desk,” Satoshi said as he collected the handicrafts they did for Nagase and Sami while Kazu took a few paintings to help Satoshi the best he could.

“Thank you,” Kazu said and hugged Satoshi tight before presenting Satoshi a painting of a dog he did. “For you,” he explained at the surprised look. Satoshi grinned and kissed his forehead. 

“Thank you. It’s cute,” he said and pinned it to the wall above his desk. Then he took Kazu’s hand in his own to clean their hands and then go to the kitchen for dinner.


	20. Chapter 20

“Sami, Tomo!” Kazu cried out when he looked up from his game with a few friends around him and recognised Nagase and the woman at the door. He jumped to his feet and ran over to the pair of adults to hug Nagase around his middle. Nagase smiled and picked him up. 

“Hello, little one. Now did you just abandon your friends in the middle of your game? Or did you finish properly?” he chided softly and kissed his forehead before putting him down again. 

Kazu blushed a little at his words but then ran over to the small group to finish the game after apologising to them for vanishing. 

Nagase chuckled a bit and then turned around to talk to Kazu’s teachers of daycare and introduce Samantha formerly. He wanted to make sure that they would know her and finally give his okay for her to pick Kazu up alone. He knew that it was better if there were others who could pick him up beside him and Aoi’s mother, but Kazu tended to panic if he didn’t know about changes beforehand. 

Nagase just hoped that Kazu liked Samantha enough to trust him and her to make sure that he was safe and everything was alright if it was the woman instead of Nagase who picked him up. But he had the holidays to make sure to explain it adequately to Kazu and Nagase was sure that he would manage to do that somehow. 

Kazu ran over when he finished his game and with loud goodbyes to his friends they alerted Nagase and Samantha early enough to turn around and catch Kazu again. “Hello Sami,” Kazu waved at the woman from Nagase’s arms who smiled softly. 

“Hello Kazu, how was your day? Did you have fun?”

“Yup, we had a snowball fight outside,” he explained happily as he hugged Nagase tight around his neck. “And we had tangerines as a snack.”

“Oh wow. Sounds great,” she agreed and squeezed his outstretched hand. 

“Why are you here today?” he asked curiously while Nagase carried him outside and helped him to change clothes. 

“Satoshi’s school is holding a Christmas concert,” Nagase explained as he made sure that the hat was safely on his head and covered his ears safely. “We will go there together and watch them.”

“Concert?”

“Yes, they will sing Christmas songs and play instruments.”

“Toshi can play an instrument?” Kazu asked surprised as he jumped up to his feet after he was finished changing clothes. 

Nagase chuckled and took his hand to swing them between them. Kazu took Sami’s hand in his free hand and continued to look at Nagase. 

“No, he can’t, but he can sing.”

“Yes, he has a nice voice,” Kazu agreed after a moment. “And he can dance.”

“Yup, they will show us a dance as well. And there will be cookies and hot chocolate milk as well,” Nagase explained with a smile. 

Kazu’s eyes lighted up at those words. He loved watching Satoshi dance and of course he liked cookies as well. But watching Satoshi and his group dance was always lots of fun, almost as much as dancing with his big brother did. So he was looking forward to it. 

“And Sami will go watch it as well?” he asked the woman now. 

“Yes, Satoshi invited me as well. So, of course, I’m going to watch. Or don’t you want me to come with you?” she asked him as they entered the bus. Kau climbed on a seat and thought about her question for a moment.

“You’re nice, so you can come,” he said after a moment and smiled happily. “Especially if Toshi invited you. If he did and you didn’t come he would be sad ne?”

“Probably,” she agreed with a smile. “But I’m glad that you let me come with you,” she said when he took her hand in his own again and waved their hands around while giggling. 

They got off at Satoshi’s school, and Kazu let go of their hands to jump through the snow and kick at it while laughing when it fell down on him. 

The school was decorated with Christmas ornaments, and the doors were wide open, so they entered the school without problems. There were banners on the walls pointing to the right directions to the assembly hall that was decorated with yet more self-made Christmas ornaments and tables with treats and drinks. Nagase made sure that Kazu got his hot chocolate and a few cookies before settling down on a few chairs in the front of the auditorium so that they would be able to see everything. 

Kazu moved his legs back and forth as he sipped his drink and munched on his cookies until the first teachers greeted the visitors and the concert started. He clapped along with the songs, grinning happily as he watched his big brother on that stage.


	21. Chapter 21

Kazu laid on the big sofa in the living room and looked at the ceiling moving his fingers in front of his eyes while giggling at the shapes they made at the ceiling. Today he didn’t go to daycare since Nagase had explained to him that it was closed for the holidays. Satoshi was out with his class to have breakfast in school and should be back soon. Kazu hoped they would play a bit together as soon as he was back.

“Are you bored Kazu?” Nagase asked after he stepped out of the kitchen. He had cleaned up there a bit after their breakfast. Kazu sat up and shook his head. 

“No, look I learnt how to do shadow figurines with my fingers,” the boy explained and grinned as he was picked up and put on Nagase’s lap.

“Very nice. I can do some animals as well,” Nagase said and formed a few figurines with his fingers for Kazu to observe on the wall. 

Kazu giggled and leant back against Nagase. Nagase put a kiss on his head and hugged him close. “When Satoshi is back we will go buy a tree,” Nagase explained.

“A tree?”

“Yes, a Christmas tree to decorate with lights and baubles and whatever we want.”

“Like the ones in the Christmas movies?”

“Yes.”

“Good! They look nice,” Kazu grinned happily and hugged him for a short moment before getting down and looking at him. “Do you have decorations?”

“Yes, should I get them out so that you can have a look?” he asked. 

Kazu nodded excitedly and looked at him with big eyes. 

Nagase smiled and rubbed his cheeks softly. “Are you a good boy and stay here on the sofa? I have to go to the cellar to get them,” he asked seriously.

“Yup,” Kazu agreed and climbed back on the sofa to pull a blanket over him and lay down. “I won’t move, I promise,” he said.

Nagase nodded and took his keys before leaving Kazu alone to get the decorations for the tree. He would have waited until Satoshi was there but if Kazu promised to behave he wanted to trust him. And there wasn’t much that could happen on this short trip.

When he opened the door again, he wasn’t all that surprised that Kazu was still on the sofa again playing with his fingers before his eyes while humming happily. He put the two boxes down on the floor and went over to the boy. “I’m back. Do you want to have a look?” he asked, and Kazu came over to open them and look at the colourful baubles and other decorations for the tree.

“Can we hang the one I made at daycare as well?”

“Of course.” 

Kazu grinned at that promise and continued to look through the stuff. Only when the door opened, and Satoshi arrived jumped he up to his feet and ran over to greet Satoshi happily. “We are going to get a tree!” he explained. 

“Really now?” Satoshi asked as he hugged Kazu close. “But then you should change into your clothes for outside.”

“Will you wait?”

“Yes of course.” Kazu grinned happily and went to his room to change clothes before getting back to the entryway to wear his coat and boots.

They went to a place to buy the trees, and Kazu walked between Satoshi and Nagase as they looked at the different trees to decide on one. He didn’t really know where the differences were so he decided to stay silent as the other two finally chose a tree - that really didn’t look so much different to the others, Kazu thought - and were ready to head back home.

Back home Nagase made sure that the tree stood safely in one corner for the boys to decorate with his help. And to top this off, they had delivery service because Nagase was too lazy to cook after all that excitement today. And the pizza was always more special if they bought it instead of making it themselves.


	22. Chapter 22

“Today we will bake some cookies,” Nagase explained in the morning. Kazu’s eyes widened at those words, and he was grinning happily. 

He loved helping Nagase in the kitchen, and he liked eating sweets. So the thought of baking some himself was wonderful for the boy. 

Satoshi frowned a little before shrugging. Yes, he liked sweets, and he was okay with baking, but today he wanted to have a relaxing day doing absolutely nothing. After all, he had managed to finish all his homework for the weekend already. 

Also, they could buy cookies. Or they could do them for a later date, shortly before Christmas so that they were still fresh them. 

“Why today?” he asked with a frown. 

Nagase sighed and ruffled Kazu’s hair. “Because I thought it might be a good thing to do today so that both of you aren’t bored.”

“I wanted to do nothing but watch TV,” Satoshi pouted a little. 

“Ah, and why do you think I would allow you to watch TV the whole day?” Nagase asked with a lifted eyebrow. 

Satoshi frowned and then pouted a little. “Because I want to?” he tried nonetheless. 

“Not for the whole day. You don’t have to help if you don’t want to. But we will bake cookies today. You both can take some with you as presents for your teachers after the holidays. They will be happy. Also, I need to make a few extras for the Christmas festival event at the youth centre on Monday. If we won't do them today I can't bring them there Monday morning.” 

“Can we listen to music while doing so at least?” Satoshi asked carefully. 

“Of course. You may even choose the CD you want to listen to. Would you be so kind as to change your clothes and help Kazu? I will clean up here and prepare everything.”

“Okay. Kazu let me help,” Satoshi said with a smile and helped Kazu down his chair who was looking worriedly between Nagase and Satoshi. He took Satoshi’s hand and let himself be led into his room. 

“Is Tomo mad?”

“No, dummy. He isn’t, and even if he were, he would only be mad at me not at you. So don’t look so worried.”

“I’m not stupid!”

“No… No of course not. Sorry Kazu,” Satoshi said with a sigh and opened his cupboard. “Do you have any preferences as to what you want to wear?” he asked looking at him. 

Kazu shook his head, still watching him carefully. Satoshi sighed inwardly as he pulled out sweatpants and a t-shirt.

“That way you won’t get dough at your sleeves. It will be warm enough in the kitchen, I promise,” he explained. 

Kazu nodded and took the clothes to put on his bed. He struggled with his sleeping shirt making Satoshi giggle silently.

“Let me help you,” he said softly. Kazu turned around with a frown on his face. 

“Am not stupid,” he repeated a bit sad. He really wasn’t it was just complicated. 

“I know, Kazu.” Satoshi smiled and shrugged a bit. “But together it’s faster. So arms up.”

“Banzai,” Kazu mumbled and lifted his arms as told. He liked it when Nagase teased him while changing. But somehow right now he felt as if he was annoying for Satoshi and he didn’t like that at all.

Satoshi helped him out of the shirt and put on the new one before tickling Kazu softly as he saw the deep frown settled on his face. He felt bad. He knew that it was his fault that Kazu was unhappy now and he tried hard to think about how to change that. 

A small giggle escaped Kazu’s mouth as he wriggled around to get away from the teasing fingers. He grinned before remembering that he was mad at Ohno and frowning once more even if it was hard. He took off his trousers and slipped on the new ones before wearing his house shoes while making sure that each shoe was on the right foot. 

Kazu tended to confuse that, but Nagase hat put half of a sticker into each of them so that if he put them beside each other the right way it was the complete one. That made it easier. 

“Kazu is finished,” he announced then. 

“Good. Now, will Kazu help me?” Satoshi asked. 

“Me help?”

“Yup. We will choose the right clothes for me, and then we have to look for the Cd's I want to listen to. I have some with Christmas songs. I remember that it has a picture of a tree and the other has one with an angel on it. You need to help me to find them.”

“Okay,” Kazu agreed slowly and followed Satoshi to his room. He sat down in front of the small chest where all of Satoshi’s Cd's were stored and looked them through for the right ones. 

“Satoshi?” he asked after a while, and the older hummed as he got ready very slowly so that Kazu had all the time he needed to find the CD. 

“Do you not like me anymore? Am I being a nuisance? Some people in daycare say that their older siblings don’t like to play with them because they are still considered babies to them. Do you think I’m a baby?”

“No of course not.” Satoshi sighed and then sat down beside his small brother. He took him in his arms and swayed them a little bit. 

“I’m sorry for the way I was behaving. Christmas is a hard time for me.”

“Why? I don’t understand. Don’t you like Christmas?”

“I love Christmas and everything it stands for. But I always was with my parents especially my mom during this time. My mom would do all the things dad does now for us, you know? So I often think of her, and it hurts.”

“Do you miss your mom?”

“Very.”

“Why won’t you tell her and tell her to visit? I’d love to meet her.”

“Because little one. My mom is dead. The same as yours did you forget?”

“Oh… I’m sorry,” he said with a gasp. He really had forgotten. His eyes filled with tears and he hid his face at Satoshi’s shoulder. 

“It’s okay. Please don’t cry, Kazu”, he whispered into his ear and swayed them both from side to side. He caressed his back and kissed his forehead. 

“She died a long time ago now. I miss her, but I’m happy I met you and dad.”

“I hate death,” Kazu mumbled with an unhappy grimace.

Satoshi chuckled but nodded. “Yeah, me too,” he agreed. With a sigh, he wiped away the tears that still clung to his eyelashes and pulled out the CD he wanted to hear about. 

“Let’s make those cookies ne? And we’ll listen to this CD. It’s my favourite for Christmas. It has a song about baking Christmas cookies. You’ll love it,” he explained and lifted Kazu up with difficulty. 

It was strange, but the more time Kazu spent with them, the clingier he was. He loved being carried around and cuddling. 

“Okay. I will make cookies for Satoshi and Tomo,” Kazu declared loudly as he was being carried into the kitchen. 

“Uff,” Satoshi said when he put Kazu down in the kitchen and put then the CD in the recorder to look for the song he told Kazu about. Then he put it on and stood beside Kazu who had climbed on a chair and sat on his knees to reach the tabletop easier. 

Nagase had prepared an easy dough for the Christmas cookies in the evening before. So he could hand it over to Kazu and Satoshi to cut out the first cookies while he prepared another batch of cookies for later on, and a third and fourth with Satoshi’s help. Kazu sang along the song's refrains and used all the cookie cutters they had at home before deciding that he liked the reindeer the most and used that for almost all of the rest of the dough.

“Finished!”

“Very good. I’ll put them in the oven,” Nagase explained and put the baking tray. Kazu climbed from his chair to look into the oven and almost touched the glass if not for Nagase’s hand. 

“Careful it’s hot.”

“Oh…” Kazu said and sat down in front of the oven to watch the cookies. 

Nagase rolled his eyes amusedly and turned on the timer. “Do you want to watch them or would you help me with another batch?”

“Another batch?”

“Yes. We will make a different kind of cookies. Those are the sugar cookies you made now. Then we have black and white cookies, cinnamon stars and spritz biscuits,” he explained. 

“And those?” 

“I put a timer to tell us when it’s ready, and then when they’ve cooled down, we can decorate them.”

“Okay. Then I’ll help.” Kazu got up and took his seat beside Satoshi again. 

Satoshi had already a knife in his hand and was carefully cutting slices from it. 

Kazu frowned and looked at Nagase. “I’m not allowed to use knives,” he said sadly. 

Nagase nodded and helped him to unroll his roll of dough. “True. But with me together it’s fine. Also, this knife isn’t that sharp, so you won’t cut yourself.”

Kazu nodded happily and took the knife as he had seen the others hold it. Nagase was a steady presence behind him as he held his hand for the first cuts to show him how to do it. 

Then he let Kazu do it himself while observing him. Kazu was slower than Satoshi who was already cutting the second roll of dough and putting the finished pieces on baking paper. 

After he had finished that and Kazu was cutting up a second roll (fair was fair after all), Satoshi slid down of his chair to pour juice into three glasses and bring them one after the other to the table. Kazu put the knife away when the bell of the oven rung and Nagase told him to do so so that he could check on their first batch of cookies and put them on a rack to cool down. 

Kazu rolled the dough a bit on the table until it met Ohno’s fingers. “You cut the rest,” he said. There was only a little left but since Nagase was busy with the freshly baked cookies and then with the hot baking trays he allowed Satoshi to do it and took the glass between his hands to make big sips.

After he finished his glass, he put it down again and stole some of the rest of the dough to put into his mouth. He licked his lips and rubbed his belly. 

“Tastes good,” he said happily and took a bit more to eat. 

Satoshi giggled as he ate some as well and drank his juice while Nagase laughed. 

He put the rest of the cookies on a baking tray. “Before you ate them all and get a tummy ache,” he explained well-natured and tickled said tummy of Kazu. 

“Why tummy-ache?” he asked. Nagase picked Kazu up to sit on his chair and put the small boy on his lap and rubbed his stomach in slow circles. 

“Because of the raw eggs inside and raising agent,” he explained softly. 

“But there is cookie dough ice cream,” Satoshi said with a pout.

Nagase nodded. “True. If you want to eat the dough, I can make you one without eggs and raising agent. You won’t be able to eat a whole big bowl of it but more than of this.”

“Can we do that?” Kazu asked with big eyes. 

“Of course. But not today. Because you will eat enough dough and warm cookies to get a stomach ache,” he said softly and continued to rub Kazu’s stomach. “And that’s totally okay for today. So don’t worry.”

“Okay!” both boys yelled loudly and giggled when they looked at each other. 

Nagase smiled and put Kazu down on his seat again. “You can make the dough for the cinnamon stars yourself, and I will cook a minestrone for dinner,” he explained and showed them a card with the recipe. It was done entirely in pictures so that even Kazu could understand it easily. Especially with Satoshi’s help.

“We have to beat the egg whites first with the powdered sugar,” Satoshi explained and took the electric hand mixer. 

“Kazu will hold the bowl,” the boy explained and took it between his hands while Satoshi beat the eggs. 

“Five spoons for decorating,” he continued after he was ready. He gave Kazu a spoon and a second bowl and watched as the boy counted up to five spoons. 

Kazu emptied each of them in the bowl with the help of a finger until he was finished and his fingers were all sticky. 

He giggled as he licked the white cream from his fingers and smacked his lips a bit. “Tastes good!”

Satoshi smiled before finishing the dough and rolling it on the table. He gave him a star cutter to make the cookies. Satoshi put the cream on each of them when they were finished and put them on baking paper for Nagase to put into the oven later on. 

Nagase prepared the soup and cleaned the table a little before helping Kazu to clean himself up and handing over a few bowls with fruit and vegetables. “Bring them to the living room for me,” he asked the boys before cleaning up himself and following them to have a light snack. 

Kazu cuddled close, and it didn’t take long that he fell asleep against Nagase. 

Nagase smiled and put him on the sofa close to Satoshi before placing a blanket over the boy. “Rest a bit with him and make sure not to fall down, okay?”

“Yup. May I watch a movie now?” Satoshi asked slowly.

“Okay but only one and on low volume as to not wake Kazu.”

Satoshi nodded with a bright grin. He chose Arielle and put a second blanket around himself while watching the movie. 

Nagase went to the kitchen to put the last cookies into the oven and prepare his spritz biscuits. Kazu wouldn’t be of any help, sadly. And he was faster alone because of that.

When Kazu woke up, Nagase had finished the last of the cookies, and the children finally got to decorate them for the rest of the day. 

When they were in bed, Nagase sighed tiredly as he saw all the chaos and decided to do the baking of salt dough for Christmas decorations the next day and clean the kitchen only after they finished those as well. Less work for him.


	23. Chapter 23

Nagase served breakfast in the living room since the kitchen was still in a state of chaos and sat in between the boys on the sofa. They both ate their cereals while Kazu leant against Nagase watching him curiously.

“No eating in the kitchen?” he asked as he balanced the bowl with a bit of difficulty while he changed his sitting position. 

“Not this morning, little one. I haven’t cleaned it yet. Today we will bake some decorations for the tree, I thought. And if you want we can do more decorations as well.”

“Okay,” Kazu mumbled a bit confused and then smiled happily when Nagase held his bowl for him to have an easier time eating his breakfast. When they were finished Nagase cleaned the living room while the children went to change out of their pyjamas and clean up for the day. 

Nagase had already put out the salt dough on the living room table and put their cutters and knives on the table for the children to use. He helped Kazu on his chair and smiled. 

“You can cut out cookies like yesterday,” he began to explain as he helped Satoshi to cut off a part of the dough.

Satoshi hummed happily as he kneaded the dough. He already decided to make some Christmas figurines with it, and he wanted to make a light with one as well. Kazu could do the cookies to hang on the tree, he thought. At least yesterday he had had a lot of fun at cutting out the cookies after all. 

“Don’t eat the dough…” Nagase began but was too late as the small boy put a part in his mouth. Almost instantly his face screwed up, and tears sprung into his eyes. Nagase bit down on a swear, he should have explained earlier what made this dough so special. 

Kazu began to cry at the salty taste in his mouth, and Nagase scooped down to pick him up and hug him tightly and caress his back in slow strokes. “Oh little one,” he whispered against his hair as he swayed him in his arms. “That was a shock, huh?” Nagase sighed and kissed his head before bringing him to the sink to help him to clean out his mouth before giving him some juice to drink and get that taste out of his mouth.

It took a while until Kazu had calmed down and Nagase sat down on his chair with him in his lap to sway him back and forth while whispering to his ear and again caressing his back slowly to calm him down. When he finally relaxed he rubbed his wet cheeks and kissed his forehead. 

“I’m sorry little one. But this isn’t dough to eat. It’s salt dough. It’s just to make things we will bake it in the oven, and then it gets really hard like stone, and we can put the decorations down or hang them on the tree. I thought you would like it,” Nagase explained softly as Kazu huddled close and hid his face at Nagase’s chest.

“Me doesn’t like it. It’s bad,” he hiccupped.

Nagase smiled and ruffled his hair softly. “I’m sorry I should have warned you earlier. After yesterday’s nice tasting dough,” he mumbled with a sigh. It was his fault after all. 

Satoshi had calmly continued to make a small figure as Kazu had cried and now he slid down his seat with his figurine on his hand carefully. He poked Kazu on the cheek until the little boy chanced a look at him. He grinned and presented the small penguin he had made to Kazu. 

“Look. I made it for you. Because Kazu liked the penguins at the zoo right?” he asked and lifted it a bit. 

Kazu rubbed his wet eyes as he looked the small penguin and carefully poked it. “For Kazu?” he asked curiously. 

Satoshi nodded and grinned. “Yes, do you like it?”

“Uhn,” Kazu nodded with wide eyes and tried to take the figure. But Satoshi stepped back so that Kazu couldn’t reach it.

“It’s not ready yet. We still need to bake it. Right now it’s like putty. If we grab it, it will break,” he explained. “We can make lots of things with the dough. Don’t you want to try? I’ll help you,” he offered. 

Kazu glanced back at the dough thoughtfully. Making things was fun. And perhaps they could make a zoo? He liked many animals after all. “Tomo too?” he asked the older man. 

“Of course I help. Should we roll out the dough together and try to make some ornaments for the tree Kazu?” he asked softly. 

“Kazu wants a zoo,” he mumbled with a pout.

“I will make animals and Kazu will make ornaments?” Satoshi offered with a smile. He knew that Kazu wasn’t yet good at making figurines with putty and would get upset if they looked all wobbly afterwards. 

“Really?” Kazu asked, and Satoshi nodded.

“Yup. Ornaments are important, but I’m not as good as Kazu at cutting out the cookies. You were better yesterday. I will make the animals, and you will make the ornaments, and later we can paint them all together,” he offered with a bright smile.

“Okay,” Kazu said and turned around on Nagase’s lap. He still didn’t want to sit alone, but Nagase managed to roll out the dough with the boy on his lap and let him chose the cookie cutters he wanted to use for their decorations. He smiled as Kazu was all smiley again now as he decided what to use and Nagase made sure that he wouldn’t lick off his fingers if dough got stuck there. 

After all dough was used up, Nagase put Kazu down on the floor to go wash his hands with Satoshi to transfer the ornaments on a baking tree to put on a low temperature in the oven to dry it before they could bake it later on. He cleaned up the table and put some vegetables on it for the boys to munch on and some tea. Afterwards, the boys played in their rooms, and when the ornaments were all ready, he called them back so that they could paint it while he started to dry Satoshi’s figurines. They needed longer than the thin cookies but in the later evening - both boys were allowed to stay awake for longer than usual after lots of begging - they could paint them as well so that they could build up the zoo and hang the ornaments tomorrow before church.


	24. Chapter 24

It was time to go to Church if they wanted to be on time for the mass and Nagase knew that Satoshi would never forgive him if they were late. So he was busy with getting Kazu ready for his first Christmas mass. He made sure that the boy was presentable and rubbed his cheek lovingly when Kazu looked down on his dress shirt. 

“We are going to visit the Christmas mass,” Nagase explained and picked him up to go to the entryway where Satoshi was already waiting. 

“What’s that?”

“We will be listening to a priest telling us about today, and there will be a nativity play we will watch.”

Kazu frowned a little since it didn’t sound like much fun, but he let Nagase put on his shoes and coat before taking his hand in his own. 

“There will be singing as well, and we’ll get two candles,” he said and took Satoshi’s hand as well as they walked the short distance to the Church. Nagase supposed they were lucky that their apartment was located not so far from the next Catholic Church since otherwise they would have to be on their way sooner. 

“And when we are home Santa will have visited, right?” Satoshi asked and looked up at Nagase with a small smile. 

“Yes, I’m sure he will be there while we are at Church,” Nagase agreed. He let go of Satoshi’s hand so that he could open the door when they arrived and picked Kazu up again so that he could hold him up. 

Kazu looked at the Church with big eyes and held tightly on Nagase’s coat as they entered. 

Nagase caressed his head calmly before following Satoshi to a row close to the front. Not directly at the front since those seats were reserved for small children, but he knew that Kazu wouldn’t feel comfortable sitting there alone with Satoshi. If Kazu was scared, he still needed the closeness from Nagase to keep calm. Satoshi was for the fun things they did, Nagase more for the protection which was completely fine for him of course.

“Can you see everything, Satoshi?” he asked the boy. “You can go to the front if you want,” he added when Satoshi looked up. 

“It’s fine. I see good enough, and I don’t want to sit without you,” he explained. 

Nagase smiled and ruffled his hair before proceeding to free Kazu of his hat and gloves as well as the scarf. He opened his coat but kept it on since the inside of the Church wasn’t that well heated. He silently talked with Kazu to explain to him how to behave during the mass and showed him the song pamphlet that was put on each seat for the guests. Today they didn’t use the normal songbook since it was more comfortable that way, especially for all the children that visited this early mass that was prepared especially for them. 

Satoshi showed Kazu the pictures they could see from their seat and explained about the people they depicted to keep him occupied until the bells rang. 

Nagase kept Kazu on his lap for the whole of the mass. That way they had more space to sit and Kazu didn’t have to jump down and climb the bench each time they had to move. Also, it was easier to make sure that the boy wouldn’t get bored and whine during the ceremony. Not that Kazu seemed to be bored since he was following all the stories the priest told in the front or listened to the songs they played with curious, bright eyes. He laughed happily at the play and relaxed in Nagase’s arms. 

After the mass was over, they waited a bit for most of the people to head out of Church. Satoshi walked in the front again to the later part of the Church. He looked at the candles there for a moment in silence before getting out a few coins of his own purse. He put them in the small slot before taking a new candle and carefully lighten it at another candle. 

Nagase smiled softly as he put a hand on Satoshi’s shoulder as the boy closed his eyes and mumbled silently under his breath. 

When Satoshi was finished, he looked up and rubbed his eyes a bit before leaning against Nagase as his eyes lingered on the light. 

Nagase cleared his throat and looked at Kazu who watched them silently but confused at the actions. “Kazu do you want to light up a candle as well? It’s to remember of our beloved dead ones,” he explained softly to the young boy. 

“For mommy?” Kazu asked and then nodded when Nagase agreed softly. “I will never forget mommy,” he mumbled, and Nagase put him down before giving him a coin to put in as well before he lighted the candle for the small boy. Kazu watched the candle silently and then at the picture on top. It was strange to light up a candle, he thought. He felt a little strange and sad but soon he was back on Nagase’s arms, and that helped. “I miss you, mommy,” he whispered softly and hid his face at Nagase’s neck.

Nagase kissed his temple softly before hugging him close with one arm as he hugged Satoshi with the other. Again he could only promise and swear to these two women he never met that he would take care of their boys and love them to the best of his ability. They stayed for a moment before Nagase led the boys outside to the cold winter air. There he put Kazu down on Earth once more to secure his scarf and hat. “Ready to go home?” he asked both boys. 

They nodded as Satoshi took Kazu’s hand in his own and slowly went home. He always needed to light a candle if he visited Church and it always made him sad for a while but he liked the act of actively remembering his mother, and he hoped it was similar to Kazu. 

Nagase walked behind the boys and looked at his phone for a moment. He smiled when he saw that Samantha had sent him a picture of the light up Christmas tree in their living room with the presents for them all under it. He was glad that the woman had agreed to head over to his apartment just to prepare everything before leaving again since they would see each other tomorrow. Today it would probably be too much for the boys to be with her. 

—

They entered their home a little bit later than the walk commonly would have needed, but as it had begun to snow again, Kazu and Satoshi were slowly but surely pulled out of their revery and looked at the falling snowflakes with awe. Nagase, of course, let them be and smiled softly at their enthralled gazes.

The door to the living room was closed, and Nagase picked Kazu up before he could run over to it. He tickled the boy who was pouting at him and grinned when the boy began to laugh. “We will have dinner first. Then we can look to check if Santa was there and what he brought you,” he explained.

“Oooohhh,” Kazu said unhappily as Satoshi snickered at his look. 

“No complaints, little one. Otherwise, you will forget all about eating until you feel ill because you are hungry,” he added and tickled the boy again to make him laugh once more. Then he helped him to take off his outer clothes things and brought him to the kitchen. 

As he had already known that neither Kazu nor Satoshi had the patience to sit through a long dinner, he had prepared a simple potato salad that they would eat with sausage for tonight. The bigger Christmas dinner would happen tomorrow when Samantha would come over, and for tea time he had invited Mrs Schmidt as well.

He put the salad on plates while he warmed up the sausages and then put them in front of the boys before sitting down himself so that they could eat. Nagase was amused as to how fast Kazu actually was with eating his dinner for once, but when the boys had finished, he took pity on them and allowed them to go to the living room. He followed them a bit slower. 

Kazu stood slightly behind Satoshi as the older boy opened the door and peeked inside the room curiously. His eyes widened in delight as he saw all the twinkling lights on the Christmas tree. He was sure that they had been off when they left earlier the evening. His eyes wandered over the tree that had the well-known baubles on it, now his ornaments from the day before were added in between as well. Then his eyes wandered to the space under the tree and widened even more if possible. They shined brightly, reflecting the lights of the tree as he realised that there were presents stacked under it. 

“Santa really was here,” he whispered in awe. He hadn’t been sure until now because he had never visited before and Kazu had already learnt not to hope too much as not to be crushed if his hopes weren’t fulfilled.

“Of course. I told you he visits all good children,” Nagase said and ruffled his hair. He smiled and entered the room pushing the children inside softly. “Shall we have a look which is for you?”

Kazu nodded mutely as he walked over to the tree and then knelt down in front of the colourful boxes. His fingers traced the labels on them until his eyes widened. “Tomo, look, look!” he cried out and waved him over. Nagase chuckled as he knelt beside him. 

“Santa put a dog here. The same I have in daycare at my places,” he said with wide eyes. He couldn’t read his name yet, so the teachers in daycare put different symbols on the coat rack and indeed all things for the children. Each had their own and Kazu got to chose a brown doggie as his.

“Then I would imagine that is for you, ne? Santa for sure knows how to make sure you know which label would belong to you. Because on the others there are written Satoshi and Tomoya,” he pointed to different labels. Kazu grinned happily at how smart Santa was and then pulled over one of the boxes with the label for him. 

“Can I open them?”

“Yes, you may open them. They are yours after all.”

Kazu grinned happily as he proceeded to tear open his first box to see what he got.

Satoshi chuckled as he opened his presents a bit more carefully than his younger brother. He hummed happily when the first thing he got was new paints and canvasses. 

Kazu was happy when he realised that he got the clothes for Mr Bear and Doggie he had asked Santa for. He jumped up to get his stuffed toys to put the warmer sweater on his teddy bear and the new lead on his dog toy before putting them down carefully on the sofa and then looking for another box to open it. He shrieked happily when he found a big penguin plushie inside. It was half as big as he was very soft and squishy and soft blue. e

“Oh wow. Will it fit in your bed together with you, Mr Bear and Doggie?” Nagase asked amusedly as Kazu hugged the toy close. 

Kazu nodded and rubbed his face against the fur. “So soft,” he mumbled happily and put it away when Satoshi reminded him that there was more to be unpacked. 

Satoshi was playing already with the remote car he had gotten with all his other presents. He had gotten a lot of the things he had wished for and two things that Kazu had asked for him in his letter to Santa. He could see that Nagase had gotten a new bag as well and grinned bemusedly at the thought of his father getting himself a new bag for work just so that Kazu would really believe that Santa got him his wishes.

Kazu was happily sitting in between of packing paper and boxes with a few from his wishes to Santa. He had gotten the wooden toy train he had asked for as well as the magnetic building sticks and was moving his toy train around while making train sounds under his breathe. 

Nagase smiled at the sight of the happy boys and leant back on the sofa. He knew that tomorrow would be yet more presents since he had decided to do the other present exchange then. Too much all on one day was a bit overwhelming for Kazu especially. Today he wanted to make sure that Kazu believed in Santa which he thought as a success when late in the evening he carried Kazu to bed who babbled happily at how nice and smart Santa was and that he wanted to thank him for the nice surprises. 

“We can write him a letter tomorrow,” Nagase promised as he kissed him goodnight. “For now you need to sleep, mh? All comfy?” he asked, and Kazu nodded with a yawn. “Goodnight, little one, sleep well.”

“Good night Tomo,” he mumbled sleepily, and Nagase chuckled as he had fallen asleep before Nagase had managed to leave the room. 

Back in the living room, he realised that Satoshi had almost fallen asleep as well and rolled his eyes good-naturedly before picking up the older boy as well. 

“Uhn?” Satoshi asked blearily and looked up. 

“You are falling asleep, Satoshi,” Nagase explained and held him a bit tighter. “Let’s get you to bed as well.”

“Sleepy,” Satoshi agreed as he leant in close to the older man, closing his eyes in tiredness. 

Nagase smiled as he kissed his head and brought him to his room. He helped him to get ready for bed as well and put him to bed before pulling the comforters over his body. “Sleep well, kid.”

“Good night, dad. Thank you for the presents,” Satoshi whispered sleepily. 

Nagase chuckled and kissed his forehead. “You have to thank Santa, ne? I didn’t do anything,” he teased the sleepy boy who nodded in agreement.

“Santa is great,” he mumbled already half-asleep.

Nagase grinned as he got up and caressed Satoshi’s hair again after kissing him goodnight as well and leaving the room. It was seldom that he got to bring Satoshi to bed like that since Satoshi thought himself too old for that, but he cherished the times when too much excitement tired Satoshi out like that.

Once more back in the living room he cleaned up a bit and put the games away carefully so that they won’t break and shut off the lights before closing the door and heading for bed himself to read a bit before going to sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

Nagase was awoken early in the morning because Kazu climbed to bed with him. He smiled and kissed his forehead lovingly. 

“Good morning, little one. Did you sleep well?” he asked as the small body came even closer to cuddle with him. 

Kazu did that regularly in the mornings of the weekends when he woke up early. It was their time for cuddles when Satoshi was still deeply asleep, and he knew that the small boy loved it, Nagase did as well of course.

“Yes, I dreamt of Santa riding on reindeers,” he giggled happily. 

Nagase smiled and hugged him tightly. “Sounds like a very fun dream,” he agreed and caressed his back. “Are you hungry yet?”

“No I want to cuddle,” Kazu decided after a small moment. 

Nagase nodded and held him close for a while. He caressed his back in long strokes for a while until he heard a grumble coming from Kazu’s stomach.

“Not hungry,” Kazu mumbled.

“Your tummy tells me something else. Come on I’ll carry you and if you want you can sit on my lap,” he offered.

“Good,” Kazu agreed.

Nagase grinned and carried him out of the bedroom and to the kitchen to prepare a bowl of cereal for him and sitting down on a chair. He held him around his middle and watched as Kazu ate his breakfast happily.

Kazu turned around in the middle of his meal to offer him a spoon filled with cereal to feed him. 

Nagase opened his mouth as he was asked and ate the offered bit of cereal and tried not to spill everything. 

Kazu giggled happily before continuing to eat his breakfast. 

Satoshi entered the kitchen a bit later and kissed Kazu’s cheek before greeting Nagase still a bit sleepy. 

“Good morning, Satoshi. What do you want to eat?”

“Cereal. But I get it myself,” the older boy smiled when Nagase wanted to get up to prepare his breakfast. He was old enough to do it on his own after all.

They ate in silence, and once Kazu was finished, he hopped from Nagase’s lap. “Toshi and Kazu go to the bathroom?” he asked the older boy, who nodded with a smile.

“Yes sounds good,” he agreed and took Kazu’s hand to go to the bathroom and allow his dad to eat breakfast. 

After Nagase finished breakfast and washed up, he put some DVD for the children to watch while he prepared their lunch in the kitchen for when Samantha would arrive.

—

When Satoshi was sure that Nagase was busy in the kitchen, he climbed off the sofa and helped Kazu down. 

“We have to get our presents to put under the tree,” he explained when the boy looked at him in confusion. 

Kazu nodded and followed him silently to Satoshi’s room to get the things they made and put under the tree as Satoshi told him. 

“Will Sammi come today?” he asked curiously. 

“Yes, we’ll have lunch and cake together,” Satoshi explained while they got back on the sofa to continue to watch the movie. 

As Satoshi has promised the doorbell rang soon after and the boys went to open it curiously and greeted Samantha happily. 

“Hello, how are you two?” she asked as she took off her shoes and hugged the boys.

“Santa got us lots of presents yesterday!” Kazu explained happily to which Satoshi nodded with a grin. 

“Sounds good.”

“Did you get something as well?”

“Me? Yes, I got a bracelet and a necklace,” she said and showed said things off to the small boy. 

“Do you like them?” Kazu asked while he pulled Samantha inside. 

“Very.”

“Do you want to watch the movie with us?” Satoshi asked curiously. 

“Mhm… Let me greet your father, and I will come over, sounds good?”

Satoshi nodded with a grin as he climbed back on the sofa with Kazu. 

Samantha laughed softly and went to the kitchen to greet Nagase with a kiss before coming back to sit beside the boys and watch the rest of the movie until lunch was ready.

Lunchtime was filled with the happy chatter of the children about their presents and what they did the day before and afterwards they exchanged the gifts. 

Kazu was nervous if they all liked what he got them but was happy when Satoshi, Samantha and Nagase thanked him for everything he gave them.

When in the afternoon Mrs Schmidt and Lulu entered their flat Kazu was very surprised and extra happy to play with the small dog for the rest of the afternoon with Satoshi while the adults talked.


	26. HAPPY NEW YEAR

They were cuddling on the sofa today and watching a year-end music show through online streaming for now. It was still early on the day, but Nagase liked watching the countdown of Japan. 

It was something he did every year since he moved from Japan to Germany and he was happy that now it was quite easy to find live streams. 

It wasn’t that interesting for the boys he supposed, but they were happily cuddling up to him while watching the TV and sometimes humming in time with the songs. They had been playing a cardboard game earlier but got bored with it after a bit. 

“Why are we watching this?” Kazu asked finally after a while. 

“Because it’s almost New Year in Japan and this is the Countdown show for it.”

“What does New Year mean?”

“It means that a new year begins tomorrow. Until now it was 2018, but soon it’s 2019,” he explained.

“In the middle of the night the day changes, you know that right?”

“Uhn…” Kazu nodded and looked at him with bright eyes. 

“But why is it soon there?”

“Because in Japan it is already in the middle of the night. Look they are counting down now, you see?”

Kazu nodded with bright eyes and watched the people on the TV countdown from ten to one. He grinned happily when there were yells of ‘Happy New Year’ and watched Nagase as he turned off the TV. 

“Do we have such a thing as well?”

“In a way yes. But it will be late in the night, little one. The time when you normally sleep.”

“May I stay awake?”

Nagase laughed at the thought of that but nodded after a small moment. “You can try,” he allowed him and hugged him close. 

“And then we can watch the fireworks from the window,” he said. They were high enough that they should see a few fireworks. He didn’t want to go out because neither the smoke nor the noises would be good for Kazu.

“And if you fall asleep don’t worry I will wake you up for the fireworks,” he said with a small sigh. 

The fireworks in this part of town were always lots and loud. And he supposed it was safer to wake up Kazu and make sure he knew what was coming than for him to wake up with a shock because of the loud noises. 

Kazu nodded happily and jumped from the sofa to run to his room and get his Mr Bear to play with it while Satoshi picked up a book he needed to finish before school started again. 

“I will prepare food then. We can have a small party, okay?”

“Sounds great,” Kazu agreed happily and proceeded to tell his soft bear everything they would do today.

Nagase laughed and tousled Satoshi’s hair with a grin before disappearing to the kitchen to prepare everything for their dinner. He had bought all the stuff they needed for the raclette grill and prepared the ingredients now for that. 

After that, he made dough for their new year’s bread humming happily at the thought of spending new year with his two boys. He hoped everything would go as well as it did the last few weeks.

—

The evening was filled with games and stories for the boys to be entertained. Still, Kazu fell asleep around nine pm, and Nagase was honestly surprised that the small boy had managed to stay awake for so long. 

Nagase smiled as he put a blanket over the small body and tousled Satoshi’s hair. 

“Do you want to sleep?”

“Uhn… I’m not sleepy yet,” he disagreed. He wanted to stay awake this time. He tried every year, but he was sure that he would succeed this year. It was just three hours more after all. 

Nagase laughed but kissed his head and let him be. “Do you want to write new year resolutions?” he asked, but Satoshi shook his head after a bit of thought. 

“Not really. But I want to write down about this year. What I’m thankful for and what was bad. Can we burn it?”

“Mh… Yes, sounds like a good plan. Get some stationary, okay?”

Satoshi nodded with a grin and got to his room to get the paper and knelt in front of the table to write down all he was thankful for which was, of course, his new little brother and all the happy things. 

He also wrote down what he wanted to forget about. That was at first the jealousy he had felt in the beginning that Kazu would forget his mother and all similar things that he now remembered as he thought about it all. It always helped him to write down all of his thoughts, and it was like a cleansing for him to do so right now. 

When he was finished, he folded it a few times and looked at it a bit. 

“Finished.”

“Yup!”

Nagase nodded in understanding and got up after making sure Kazu was still sleeping. He brought a fireproofed form and a long lighter for Satoshi to put on the paper and then burn it. 

Satoshi looked at the flames while Nagase made sure that it was safe and felt all bad thoughts leave him. 

After pouring water over the rest of the ash, he climbed back beside Kazu and Nagase to watch the music show that was on television now. 

“Why always music?”

“Because it’s nice to greet the new year with songs and good feelings,” Nagase explained and chuckled a bit. “Also, you won’t miss anything crucial which is good.”

“True,” Satoshi mumbled and nibbled on a piece of pineapple. The last two hours went by fast, and Satoshi carefully knelt beside Kazu to shook him awake fifteen minutes before the year would change. 

“Wanna sleep,” Kazu whined and pushed Satoshi away weekly. The boy chuckled and poked his cheek a few times until Kazu opened his eyes and rubbed them with a yawn. 

“Hello, little one,” Satoshi said using the pet name Nagase normally used for his little brother. “It’s almost time for the fireworks,” he added as an explanation.

Kazu’s eyes widened as he understood what Satoshi was talking about and he sat up with red cheeks. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Nagase said and came over with a cup of warm tea for all of them. “Drink up, little one. It will help with the grogginess.”

“Okay!” Kazu hummed as his eyes wandered to the TV where his favourite German singer was performing. He sang along until the song ended before finally drinking his tea. 

Nagase chuckled and picked him up to go over to the window when they started the countdown. They counted down from ten slowly in time with the TV and Kazu winced when the first bang could be heard. 

As Nagase had thought it was scary for the boy, but luckily the colourful lights in the sky diverted his shock fast. 

“Happy New Year, boys,” Nagase said as he hugged the small boy tightly and kissed his forehead before hugging Satoshi to his side. The boy was not that fond anymore of kisses from his father, and he understood that sentiment.

“Happy New Year, dad,” Satoshi said 

“Happy New Year, Tomo.” Kazu parrotted with a giggle. 

Then Kazu pointed his arms to Satoshi. Nagase smiled and moved Kazu so that he could kiss his big brother on the cheek to wish him a good new year as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bread that Nagase baked are called ‘Neujährchen’ they are a plaited milk bread. We do them where I grew up in the Rhineland. Since Nagase and the children live in Berlin, they would eat marmalade filled doughnuts (at least they are similar to doughnuts). But since those ‘Neujährchen’ belongs to New Year for me, Nagase makes them. They are eaten in the morning of the first and are meant to protect you from hunger, bad luck and illnesses. The form symbolises connectivity, good luck and health :)
> 
> Oh yeah: And Happy New Year my dear readers :) I wish you all the best for 2019 and that all your wishes will come true.


End file.
